The Reality of Runescape
by LloydsExsphere
Summary: A realistic story about my experiences playing Runescape. *New* Chapter 8 & 9.
1. The Addiction Begins

_A/N: Before I begin this story, I just want to make a couple of comments:_

_When I started playing Runescape, I never thought it would involve some of my most intimate feelings and emotions. Because of the game, I've cried my eyes out, laughed till I fell to the floor, yelled at the computer screen with the most violent of curses, and felt some of the most tender of moments. And yes, I'll be the first to admit that playing the game has been a good waste of time. But, despite losing a few nights' sleep, I still wouldn't trade the experiences the game has given me. I developed friendships and even love. And I don't care what anyone says: The friends I have/had on Runescape are my friends in real life, and I'll never think otherwise._

_As for the story I'm about to write, it's based on most of my experiences, but it's not word for word true. I may edit, cut out, or add more conversation than was actually typed by my fellow Runescape friends or me. I may even add situations that have never even occurred in my life. The point of this story, really, is to reach out to people who are placed in a similar situation that I'm in currently. Also, I want people to realize that although you're talking to people online, you're still transferring feeling and emotion, both of which are very real. Sure, people can lie about who they are online, but they can do that in real life too. Playing this game involves a lot more than people think. Of course, that's only true if you make it so. You can be totally reserved and introverted on the game, with the virtual people, or you can be earnest and really care about the game and its players. I go with latter._

_Take what you want from this story. It's just a little piece of my life I felt like writing about. I will not divulge any real usernames or real life names (except mine, I guess), though, for the protection of my friends and their privacy. Also, this story involves some activity that is not permitted in the game. The creators of Runescape do not approve of this story and its content. I do not own Runescape or its characters; I'm merely using its entity to portray my story and message. Enjoy and believe._

* * *

**Chapter 1- The Addiction Begins**

I always thought Spring Break came too early. The weather was too cold, and nothing motivated a person to want to do anything. My family was never one to go on any big trips or vacations, so I usually found myself moping around the house, wondering what to do.

It was the Spring Break of 2008, my junior year in high school, that my life changed a little because of a game. I was lying in bed, dead bored, when my sister entered the room, rambunctious and enthusiastic. She jumped on my bed, quite close next to me, and asked obnoxiously, "Whatcha doin'?" I rolled my eyes and retorted, "Living life to its fullest, Sam, what do you think?" She laughed and slowly rolled off my now messy bed. She went to the computer and sat herself down at the shabby desk that lay under it. Her tiny fingers started to tap incessantly as she typed messages to those annoying Runescape people…

My brother, Seth, and my sister, Samantha, both were obsessed with the game Runescape. I always heard them discussing the terms relating to it, and it got annoying. I wondered what the big deal was. It was just a game, right? What was so addicting about it? I laid my head back down on the pillow and caught some badly needed sleep.

o.O.o

I only slept for a couple of hours before I woke up at 2 in the morning. I pushed the covers off of myself and proceeded to the dimly lit computer screen. I checked my e-mails, replied to a couple of them, and checked my Myspace to see if there were any new messages. There were none. I didn't feel like going back to bed, so I decided to do the unthinkable: play Runescape. I thought I might as well see for myself what all the hullabaloo was about. I liked RPGs, so I thought maybe the game couldn't be too bad. I typed in the URL and was brought to a very colorful, almost gaudy, web page. I clicked on Create a Free Account and made a new user.

I had the hardest time trying to find a name for myself. I thought back to my favorite game, Tales of Symphonia. My favorite attack with Lloyd had been Tempest, so I typed in Tempest adding Sphere, assuming Tempest would already be taken. It didn't fit. I frowned and grunted a bit, trying to think of another word to replace tempest. It was a wind attack in the game, so I decided Gale wouldn't be a bad replacement. The name fit, and I was well on my way to being a Runescape player: Gale Sphere.

Getting started was pretty hard for me. I didn't know what to do, and I'm not the best at following directions. For half an hour, I tried to get through the beginning course of the game, Tutorial Island, but alas, the game outsmarted me. I logged off with a "psh" and shut my computer down. I then headed off to read in the living room. I only got through a couple of pages before my mind finally succumbed to the power of sleep.

o.O.o

When I woke in the morning, all I wanted to do was try and play that darned game again. It was amazing how it piqued my interests. But I decided that I should have some life and do something in the real world, so I called up some friends to get a gathering assembled. I succeeded in inviting 2 of my best friends, and we decided to meet at McDonald's for lunch. I quickly ran up the stairs to my room, rushing to put together an ensemble before 12. It was 10:45 in the morning, and I knew it would take me forever to get ready. Sammy was there, playing on the computer. I mentioned to her, as I searched through my closet, that I had made a new account on Runescape for myself, and she asked, "Want me to help you level up, Mela?" "Sure," I replied quickly. "Do whatever you want; I don't care." She laughed while shaking her head, leaving me in peace to quickly put on a sweatshirt and pants. I checked myself in the mirror, gave Sammy a kiss on the cheek, telling her my username and password, and quickly ran down the stairs to put on shoes. I rushed to the door, opened it, and heard Seth from upstairs.

"Mela, Cam called, and he wants you to call him back as soon as possible."

I smiled and shut the door to pick up the phone on the kitchen table. After dialing his number, I paced around the room as I always did when I was on the phone, waiting for my friend to answer. "Hello?" I heard on the other line. "Hey, Cam, what's up? I was just on my way out." Cam laughed his usual, timid laugh. "I just wanted to know if we could hang out tonight. Maybe we could go to the movies?" As much as I wanted to say yes, I hated going to the movies with friends. I was a homebody, and I was already going out as it was, so… "Do you just want to come over and play some Symphonia with me? I don't really feel like going out tonight. Is that ok?" "Sure, sure. That sounds fine." I couldn't tell if he was disappointed, so I casually said I had to go. I turned the phone off and put it in its receiver.

Cam and I were really good friends. We hung out a lot, during and after school, so we knew each other quite well. He was pretty good-looking, but somehow I just wasn't attracted to him that way. I didn't feel any chemistry, but I didn't worry, since he never tried to put the moves on me. I was content with our friendship.

I headed out the door, and went off to lunch to meet my friends.

o.O.o

"I just can't get through to him that I don't want to be his girlfriend anymore…he just doesn't get it!"

For an hour, I listened to my friends complain about their love lives. My friend, Liz, had just broken up with her boyfriend, but he kept calling and calling her, not wanting it to be over. She led him on, though, whenever he did succeed in getting together with her to hang out, by kissing him and spouting out her sweet nothings. It was very tiring to listen to her complaints, for she, herself, created the problems. Adrianne and I looked at each other, bored of Liz's usual boy problems, and smiled esoterically. Although we both shared the same opinion of Liz's little slutty lead-on, we weren't compelled to share our true feelings with her. We saved our back talk for when we were alone.

Adrianne's dilemma wasn't too much better, though. In fact, her problem irritated me more. Adrianne, at the time, was going out with a guy named Nick, a guy I used to like back in the 8th grade. I confessed my feelings to him, but he refused to acknowledge my existence, let alone my feelings. I was deeply hurt and troubled, and I remember talking to Adrianne about what a jerk Nick was (she fully agreed). A year later, Adrianne went out with him, something that hurt even more. Nick was always rude to me, and he thought I was a bad influence on Adrianne. I avoided him and avoided thinking of him as much as possible, but he always came up in conversation whenever Adrianne and I were alone. It almost made me literally sick, thinking of those two together. I never did quite forgive her for betraying me like that. She always complained of his lack of romance or his harshness in words, even though she knew about his malicious temperament. It was beginning to get old to both Liz and me, so we quickly changed the subject.

As our lunch came to an end, Liz asked anxiously, "Mel, is there any love problem you have?" I thought a bit but couldn't come up with anything. I never was lucky with the guys; in fact, I hadn't had a boyfriend since the 8th grade, and that was with Leon, one of my best guy friends. Ever since then, I was picky in my choosing of boyfriends. But that wasn't even the problem. I just wasn't popular enough in school, and my average looks didn't add any extra points, either. I was considered plain, but smart and funny. Guys came to me if they had a question about sentence structure or book analysis; it was never for dates. I shook my head in response to my friend's question, grimacing at my pathetic lack of detail in my life. Nothing interesting ever went on. We said our goodbyes and went home.

Cam finally came over, late as usual, to my house around 5. We played video games until 7, and then we took a ride in his car, going to the empty parking lot at my church. We usually talked about school. Cam was a grade higher than I, so he often talked of his leaving for college, where he would go and when. But tonight was different. Tonight Cam changed the subject for once, asking me if I had done anything new recently. I chuckled and sheepishly told him of my new account on Runescape. He laughed as well, exclaiming how surprised he was that I'd try something so unorthodox.

"Well, I was just bored, so I made an account. But you know, for some reason, I'm really drawn to it. I feel like I _should_ be on it. I dunno what it is about the game; it's just…something that has almost touched me, I guess." Cam burst out laughing at my sincerity. I laughed, too, to be good-natured, but I honestly felt something for the game, deep inside. It confused me, and I didn't like that feeling. Cam's laughter died down, but the light in his eyes told me he would never let me live down what I said. We talked a little more about the game, Runescape, and then Cam drove me back to my house, saying his goodbye. I took a shower before setting myself down at the computer to check my e-mail. Even as I was answering the mail, I couldn't help but think of the game…Runescape…oh, I wanted to play it. So badly! I signed out of my e-mail and resumed my training.

o.O.o

Sammy had certainly done her job with training me. By Wednesday, I was level 45, and I was beginning to get the hang of the game. I was still a noob when it came to traveling, but I at least knew what was at each city. As I kept playing, I realized that I did in fact enjoy the game and what it had to offer.

Runescape was full of life and color. Conversations filled the lower half of my computer screen, while virtual people ran around the rest of it. I traveled with Gale by clicking various places on the map located to the top right part of my screen. I came upon a spot where a castle stood and hundreds of people cluttered and conversed. It was incredibly busy! It surprised to me to find a gregarious group of strangers talking, joking, and laughing. I stayed in that place for what seemed an eternity, reading the words of people I didn't know and would probably never know. I came to learn that this area was known as the town of Lumbridge. It was the most well-known city of Runescape. I suppose I should have already known the name, but I hadn't completed the beginning course of the game; Sammy had. Oh, but what a magical place this Lumbridge seemed to be! I fell in love with Lummy right away, and I returned very often whenever I was bored or in need of company. Yes, I saw how silly it was to become attached to a virtual entity, but I didn't seem to care. I felt that the place would be very important to me in the future…

Sammy showed me where I could train, for I was still training at the cows. It hadn't occurred to me that there were higher-leveled monsters. I barely knew how to travel around Lumbridge, let alone a larger city. She took me to Varrock and into its sewers. She took me all the way to the skeletons, past the rats and scorpions. The skeletons and the few zombies that popped up were fierce to a low level like me, but with an abundance of food stocked in my inventory, I prevailed while I attacked. Combating wasn't very involved, but it was entertaining enough. Picking up and burying bones served to upgrade my Prayer level, but I hadn't a clue what a prayer could do when I first began. I kept on track, though. I was level 47 in fewer than two days. Seth came in my room and looked at the screen. He was impressed with my upgrade in levels, but he insisted that I buy new armor. He took it upon himself to buy it for me (he made me swear I would pay him back). I was wearing Mithril, and I liked its color very much. I didn't want to exchange my armor, but Seth adamantly insisted. He gave me Adamant armor, a subtle, dark green. It didn't match my hair at all, so Seth told me about haircuts given in Falador, and I went there to fix myself up. Sammy and Seth showed me the way (I was quite provincial in my travels, until I later completed the free quests) and took me to the humble hair salon, walking my character inconspicuously through the crowd. I talked to the hairdresser inside, and a booth came out of nowhere, covering me. The haircut selection didn't have great variation, but I soon found a cut that seemed appealing to me. I chose long hair with braids up front and mint green as the color. It looked pretty nice in my newly acquired armor. To my dismay, though, I realized the haircut would cost 2k. I decided this haircut would last me a long while, for 2k was expensive for a character in my situation. I was satisfied with my choice; I looked more sophisticated, not so much a noob. After my first haircut, I went back to the sewers to continue my combat training.

o.O.o

By the time Thursday came rolling around, I had quite a few friends on my friends list. One was a player Tcore, a person who came to be my best friend on the game. Before our friendship blossomed, though, we didn't talk very much. But I one day commented to him that a person had reported me, because I had stated I was Mormon. Apparently, talk of religion was not well-received in the game. After I finished my story, he became very excited.

Tcore: Ur mormon?!?!

Gale Sphere: Yeah, are you?

Tcore: Yes!!!

Gale Sphere: Wow, that's awesome! What a small world.

Tcore: Ya no kidding

From then on, we were more than friends; we were kindred spirits. That little breakthrough turned out to be the best thing that could ever have happened to me on the game. He introduced himself as Trent. He was only 12, but I thought he had pretty good insight for a kid his age. He lived far away from me, which was disappointing, but it always seemed like he was right by my side, anyway. We talked everyday and even trained together. One could always assume that if Trent and I were ever on at the same time, we were in each other's clan chats. We got along perfectly, and we felt a special connection. We trusted each other one hundred percent, and we still do. He's the best friend I've ever had.

I of course had made other friends, but there were only a select few with whom I talked consistently. My only female friend was Jess, or Lil Layla. She was 12 and pretty immature, but she always had a happy spirit, which was quite pleasing to me. I struggled to keep happy or even content. Her cheerfulness was contagious, and so we got along for the most part. We gave each other our e-mail addresses and messengers, so we talked more often than normally I would a Runescape friend.

I became friends with hundreds of kids, and even had many serious, thought-provoking conversations with some of them. But still, I thought of Runescape as just a game. It wasn't until Trent and I became closer that I realized how important the game was to me. I realized that I found more pleasure in speaking with Trent than I did my real life friends. It amazed me how much I cared for him. And it wasn't until I met someone else that I realized Runescape was more than just a game: it was a place of unlimited possibilities.

o.O.o

I stood again by the castle of Lumbridge, lingering and watching people move about from place to place. Gale seemed to be quite attractive, for guys constantly came my way, asking me out or complimenting my virtual, good looks. I laughed silently to myself, wishing I received the same kind of attention in my real life. Nobody seemed to want to get to know me, the real me. It was a bitter reality to deal with sometimes, but it'd occurred so many times in my life that the reality became a dull numbing in my heart; I hardly felt it. And after each guy explained why I'd want him as my bf ("I'm hot," "I can satisfy you," "I'll give you free stuff.") I politely declined, not wanting any type of dating to occur. It seemed to be common, though, in the game, to ask for a bf or gf. I'm pretty sure the creators of Runescape frowned upon the act, making it reportable, but it occurred nevertheless. I supposed it to be something of a ritual, though, for I thought, who would consider dating someone you hadn't met in real life? What was the point?

It had been an hour, at least, since I had logged on, and I was growing faintly tired of the lively business. I was a click away from leaving when a level 84 person, dressed humbly in a blue mage outfit, started conversing with me.

Mafia: Just standing there all lonely?

Gale: Me? Yeah, I'm just watching.

Mafia: Me too, lol.

I chuckled to myself, pleased at the stranger's boldness to make conversation. I wanted to chat more, but I was getting dizzy and confused from words constantly popping up on my screen from all the "noisy" people of Lummy. It looked like Mafia wasn't going to say anything further to me, so I quietly dismissed myself from his presence, heading south to the graveyard, which reserved a lone yew tree. I started to walk around aimlessly, when I realized the same Mafia was following me. I halted as soon as he spoke to me.

Mafia: Wait! Let me come with you.

Gale: Lol, why?

Mafia: You seem like an interesting person. Let's talk.

My brows raised in suspicion, but I welcomed his persistence. We stood in the graveyard silently a while before he began conversation. I was a little uncomfortable at first, because nobody had ever demanded my company on the game. It was usually I that initiated that sort of thing. It came to mind that he just wanted to corner me alone, in order to catch me in his web, but Mafia was different from the guys who annoyingly asked for my hand in dating. He was different and I knew it, I felt it.

Mafia: So…

Gale: So…?

Mafia: Lol

Mafia: What's your name?

Gale: …Mela.

Mafia: I'm John.

Gale: Oh, I like that name a lot.

Mafia: Lol thanks.

Our talking began, and we hardly ever took pauses. John immediately told me that he picked me out of the Lummy crowd as a gf "present" for his older brother, Anthony. Anthony liked my mint green hair, so he ordered John to keep tabs on me, convince me to become Anthony's Runescape girlfriend. I was amused by John's charming frankness, and I couldn't help but be interested in his older brother's request.

Gale: How old is he?

Mafia: 17.

Gale: Oh, so am I, lol.

Mafia: Cool.

It was two in the morning, and we hadn't had a dull moment in our conversation. I can't remember now the specifics of our conversation until we were saying our goodbyes, which occurred two hours later. John gloomily told me that he had to go to bed and crash. I was a tad disappointed, but I noticed my eyes were beginning to flutter helplessly; I had stayed up late every night of the whole of Spring Break. It took him a long 5 minutes for him to complete his goodbye speech, because he asked numerously if I would be online later that day. I assured him I would be, just for him. After innumerable promises, he seemed to believe me, and he quit typing. I said bye, expecting his Runescape personage to vanish, but he stayed visible in the same spot. It seemed to me that he was contemplating over something.

Gale: ?

Mafia: Just remember…

Mafia: Ily.

Gale: Ily?

Mafia: It means I love you…

Gale: Oh…ok.

I didn't know really what to say. Nobody had ever told me they loved me, not even on the game. I was a little disconcerted. I had just met John, and already he loved me? I decided either he was young with no idea of how bold his statement was, or he was joking, so I took it in stride. I typed in a smiley, signifying that I appreciated his sentiment, and he laughed with dot dot dots following closely behind.

Mafia: Good night, Mela. I love you.

Gale: Good night, John.

And with that, he disappeared. He disappeared, and my numbed heart seemed to flicker with warmth.

* * *

_A/N: Alright, I read through it, and I made many grammatical errors, so I decided to patch it up. Hopefully, it's near perfect now. Please review, if you haven't already, and I'll be reposting chapters, cleaning up their content and whatnot. Thanks for reading. (^^)_

* * *


	2. Romance

Chapter 2- Romance

As I promised, I got online the next day. I had forgotten to add him, but apparently he had added me, for as soon as the game came into view, I saw a private message pop up.

Mafia: Hey.

Gale: Hey John. You're on, lol.

Mafia: Well, duh.

We resumed our talk from the night before (or that morning) like we had never left each other. John was a very talkative fellow. He asked many questions, mostly about my leveling on the game, but he asked about my personal life as well. While answering his questions, I entered my clan chat, and there John already was, waiting without my knowing.

[Tos Ftw] Mafia: =D

[Tos Ftw] Gale: You goof, lol. You could have told me you were in here.

[Tos Ftw] Mafia: I figured you would figure it out =P

From then on, whenever I logged onto Runescape, I immediately went into my cc.

I had to admit, I was really flattered by his attention. I was seriously beginning to take a liking to this John.

He was a very interesting person. He came from a family of 5 (his parents, his older brother, and his younger sister), and from the way he spoke (typed), they seemed to be closely knit. John was an athletic person; he played football and basketball. He wasn't fond of reading or writing (much to my dismay), but his grammar and vocabulary weren't too shabby. He received fine grades in school, he was very popular, and he seemed to be sentimental. Unlike me, he was very easy-going. He took things as they came; he was patient.

He answered my questions carefully and humbly until I asked him what he looked like. I was a little put off at first by his cockiness, but then I understood why he would act that way: John sounded perfect, at least to me. He described himself as being 6'3" with dark brown hair and hazel blue eyes. He had dark, German skin, and he insisted that he had a killer body, due to his frequent workouts. I was sure I had hit the jackpot with this guy. When he asked about me, I was a little skeptical to divulge my description. I told him about my short, not so toned stature. He asked specifically how tall I was, and he laughed when I told him 5'2". After teasing me for too long about my height, he asked for me to continue with my description. I slowly and achingly told him about my light brown hair and my big, dark hazel-green eyes. He responded to my looks with a vague, generic reply, and I supposed he wasn't as thrilled with me as I was with him. I sighed, 'Oh well. It figures.'

John switched from his world to mine in a matter of seconds to accompany me in the Varrock sewers. I trained my combat while he trained his maging skill. We both happened to be watching TV while we played, so every now and then we'd quote silly antics from stupid commercials. I burst out laughing when we both started quoting The Simpsons. He laughed along as well.

I couldn't believe how much fun I was having, and with this perfect guy. We could be silly or serious, vague or detailed, dumb or smart, and we always had fun. It was disappointing when one of us had to leave for some necessary, real life custom, but it was never for long. We'd both get on the computer 4 or 5 times a day, whether it was for 5 minutes or 3 hours. We just couldn't leave each other alone. By the time Spring Break ended, I would not be joking if I said John and I had spoken to each other more than one hundred times, off and on, of course. We always had something to talk about, and John was irresistible with his charm. Our conversations had no limitations, and I was beginning to become attached to Mafia…my heart was becoming noticeably warmer.

o.O.o

School came back too quickly, and the teachers wasted no time at all going over lessons, assigning homework, and making the lives of students stressful. I came home the first day with a mountain-load of homework and no time for Runescape. It felt odd not to talk to John in consistency like I had for the last week and a half. I felt a little silly for missing someone I hadn't met, but the feelings surfaced anyway, and I never did anything to cease them. It felt good to think about and miss someone. I told my friends at school about him, and they shook their heads in disapproval, for this hadn't been the first time I had fallen for an online being. They were aroused, though, when I spoke of his looks, but other than that, they didn't seem too interested.

The homework continued to be overwhelming, so I was unable to get on Runescape for the remainder of the school week. Saturday couldn't have come soon enough. Mom wanted me to lunch with her, so I obediently went, checking the clock every ten minutes. The Chinese Buffet was stuffy with its intoxicating scents and spices; the air was thick. I rushed my mom through lunch, annoying her, and she didn't say much to me when driving home. I was being an ungrateful brat, no doubt about it, but I didn't care as long as I could see John.

Before my mom could turn her car engine off, I was out and into the house. I ran up the stairs with my shoes still on and practically pounced on my laptop when I reached my room. I logged on as fast as my fingers could type and frowned when I saw Mafia was not on. I waited and played for 2 hours, but he never got on. Ranging on cows was becoming a bore, so I gave up my vigil and went downstairs into the dining room to finish my load of homework.

Although I found the particular math section of trigonometric identities interesting, my mind constantly wandered to my John. I wondered what he was like in person, how he looked and felt. I wondered if he would welcome my presence, and like me in person as much as he did online. I was always truthful, speaking to him, so he had no reason to dislike me… (Oh crap, no! 1/sinx does not equal cotx…ugh…) I tried as hard as I could to focus on my schoolwork, but darn that John. I couldn't shake him from my mind.

o.O.o

Cam picked me up a little later that evening to go to Burger King and habitually sit in our spot in the parking lot. He went on about some Warcraft game (I nodded my head at each pause, letting him think I was paying attention), telling me why it was so bogus compared to other PC games. All the terms he used were foreign to me, so I had absolutely no clue of what he was talking. I twiddled my thumbs and looked blankly at them as he rambled on. Cam finally caught on to my absent talk and asked of what I was thinking. I blushed when I saw the concern on his face. He eyed me curiously, studying my expressions. I stuttered something stupid about our speech class, and he shook his head.

"That's not what you're thinking about. You didn't even say anything when I said Kratos is a gay faggot," he said with a smirk.

I growled ferociously before replying.

"I'm not thinking about anything. I'm just having a hard time paying attention, that's all," I said slowly.

Cam shook his head, insistent. Red covered my cheeks as I finally told him of my meeting John.

"He's just this guy I met on the game, and I can't stop thinking about him…we talk almost every day, and I'm just…"

I went on and on about John. Cam listened closely, his eyes blank, unreadable. I told him of how I felt toward John. I even commented that I dreamt of him, one pleasant night. Cam didn't say a word as I told him of almost every encounter John and I had had, and the friendships we had made together. He hadn't spoken at all. He merely gazed at the empty lot before us.

The moon's rays brightly led the way as Cam drove me back home. We reached the top of my driveway, and he put his car in park. He never went fully in my driveway, because he always had trouble backing out of the deep arch that dipped to my house. I reached for the handle of the car door, but Cam grabbed my hand, rendering me immovable. He swiftly moved his head toward mine and pressed his lips to my cold cheek. My head felt hot as Cam backed away; he looked at me with a grin on his face. I think my mouth hung widely open.

"Good night, Mel. I'll see you at school."

I nodded my head and got out of the car with as few movements as possible to get out of the awkward situation. Even as he drove away, my mind still hadn't comprehended Cam's unexpected move. He kissed me…he kissed me…he…kissed me? My mind froze as I walked down to my house, my cats coming up to greet me with their wet noses. I reached my house, closing the door behind with a crash. I took my time slipping off my jacket and shoes; I couldn't think. Just then, Seth came into the kitchen for a drink of milk, but stopped when he saw me.

"That Mafia dude wants you."

"Huh? How are you talking to him?"

"On Rune Scape," he said as he grabbed the jug of milk from the refrigerator, "Sammy is playing on your account, and he's asking for you."

"Oh, ok," I said quickly, darting out of the kitchen.

Seth rolled his eyes and gulped his milk straight from the jug.

I shoved Sammy aside from the computer as soon as I entered my room. I smiled and saw indeed that Mafia was online. Sammy hadn't said much to him except 'HOLD ON!' I typed quickly, excitedly to him.

Gale: Hey, I've missed you.

Mafia: You have?

Gale: Well…yeah. It's been a while since we've last talked.

Mafia: Dis be my first time talking to ya, girl

I blinked a couple of times in confusion before he spoke again.

Mafia: It's John's bro, Ant

Disappointment surfaced.

Gale: Where's John?

Mafia: Lying on da bed in his room

Gale: Oh…well, how are you?

Mafia: I be ok

I wasn't impressed with his so-called gangster talk. It was informal and trashy. To others, it probably wouldn't have mattered, especially on a game like Runescape, but to a grammatical freak like me, it was a complete nightmare. He mostly talked about himself. He talked about himself and John on the varsity basketball team and how much they pwned. He said they were the stars on the team, but I wasn't sure how correct that piece of information was. I asked if he looked anything like John. He said his hair was longer and darker, and he was of course taller, being 6'8". I swear, my mouth watered.

We conversed about trivial things a little longer, when Anth said John wanted on. I smiled. I smiled a lot.

Mafia: Hey.

Gale: Hey, John?

Mafia: Yeah. I've missed you.

Gale: Same.

All thoughts of Cam and Anthony dissolved as I talked and felt content with my John.

o.O.o

School days seemed to fly by, and homework seemed to be getting done faster. I was completely enamored of John and his boyish charm. I was on the computer about 4 hours a night, usually hanging out with either Trent or John. I always found time for them, but I wasn't shirking my other responsibilities. I had my chores done, my homework was always complete, and my social life was in no way harmed, so I never felt guilty for being on for so long. My friends on Runescape were becoming a second family. There were so many different groups of people I could talk to. I had Like Guitar, Nick, who I talked to whenever I felt stupid and goofy; Jayko, Matthew, was always fun to talk to, because he made his life an eternal drama; Rydog, Ryan, was a dork, but he always had some perverted jokes up his sleeve; Wild Kat, Jacob, was such a sweetie, so it was always refreshing to talk to him. But my main group consisted of Mafia, Tcore, and newcomer Hk, who was named Rylie. We all congregated inside my clan chat whenever the four of us were on together. We got along extremely well, especially considering the differences in our ages. I was 17, Trent as I said before was 12, Rylie was 10, and at the time I didn't know how old John was definitely. I assumed him to be 15 or 16.

Our chats were always interesting. Trent usually started us off with a joke, which always made me laugh. That kid was always trying to think of ways to make us happy. For being 12, he gave great advice, and he was always ready to listen to problems or events going on in our lives. Rylie was the person who brought insanity to our chats. He would go on and on about anything that didn't make sense. John always issued forth harsh bluntness in our cc. He always typed what he felt, with no worry to the consequences. Don't get me wrong, John cared about our feelings, but sometimes he just recklessly typed away his definite opinions. I brought sarcasm and unity to the group. I was and always have been a good conversationalist, so if there was ever an awkward pause, I could fill it in by telling either a joke or statistic. The four of us blended beautifully together. We laughed together, we argued together, we discussed together. I think we all felt a sort of camaraderie. We truly cared for one another.

o.O.o

John and I were at our usual place: the graveyard with the one yew tree. I would watch John cut that yew (my woodcutting level was not yet high enough) as we talked conspicuously on the game. Random people would stop and listen to our conversation as they passed by, and each time John would chastise them for listening in; he was never one to hold back his anger. A couple of times, pompous, male players would ask me out right in front of John, which greatly pissed him off.

Mafia: Back off, she's taken.

Player Noob: Whom by?

Mafia: …

Player Noob: Well?

Mafia: My brother…

Player Noob stood for a while, probably pondering whether or not he should continue his conquest, but he walked away without a word. I never realized Anthony had claimed me officially. He never actually asked me out; in fact, we hardly spoke at all. It was always John and me. I didn't utter a word about it, though. I instead told John I was tired of watching him cut wood, so we headed off to our place in the sewers to train together. For the first time, we had an awkward silence. We only rendered dead our virtual enemies. I felt again that John was thinking over something important, but I was too chicken to ask about it. After a while, John even stopped battling. I was afraid he'd left the computer and would log out, but he was either clicking random buttons or chatting with friends to stay logged on. After picking up a full inventory of bones, I began to bury them into the ground. I buried about 9 when John finally spoke.

Mafia: Well I like this view…

I looked in the direction his character was gazing and laughed when I figured out what he was talking about. Apparently when my character bent over to bury the bones, she really bent over. I typed in a ("-.-), and John laughed.

Mafia: Man, Ant has good taste…

I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable with his statement. There he was again, making unofficial claims as to whose I was.

Mafia: You'll have to choose one of us…

Gale: Why? Can't we all just be friends?

Mafia: …

Mafia: I really like you…

Gale: …

I wanted to shout to the world that I liked him a lot too, but I was a little embarrassed.

Gale: Well, Anthony hardly likes me anyway; at least, he doesn't talk to me much, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Mafia: He talks about you all the time…he tells everyone at school he's going to visit his girl in Michigan…

Gale: …He does…?

Mafia: Yeah.

Gale: Well I hardly talk to Anth…

John was silent and started maging again on the skeletons. I hadn't combated since John had sprung all of this nonsense on me; I wasn't sure what to do.

Gale: Can I just say I'm his girl but really be yours? Well…I guess that's call-girlish…

Mafia: Yeah, that won't work…

Gale: Well, let me think about it, I guess.

Mafia: Ok…well I have to go. I'll expect your answer by tomorrow.

He logged off. I was left sitting at my desk troubled and confused. I scolded myself in my head. Why am I making such a big deal out of this?! It's a game; I don't really love him. I gasped, surprised at my diction. The dreaded "L" word had spilled.

o.O.o

The sky overhead was dark but clear with the moon glowing thousands of miles away. I decided to walk alone that night to clear my head. I was headed in the direction of the stream, and as usual, I went there to cleanse my mind and nurse my heavy heart. The breeze made me shiver, even in my heavy jacket, but it was comforting too, slowly whistling its sad, morose song. My feet scuffed the road as I dragged each forward to my sacred spot. My mind wandered through many things, events, stresses…John…

It is true; I had had online crushes before. But somehow this "crush" seemed different. Perhaps I just wanted it to feel different, or maybe it was; I guess I didn't know. All I knew was that I loved being with John, even if it was just online. I loved the way he'd make me smile with his silly innuendos; I loved how he'd always switch to my world, even when I didn't ask; I loved how he'd always be waiting in my clan chat, waiting to tell me about his day. I loved…

I heard the trickling of the water running swiftly below me. I smiled at its familiarity, its safeness. I sat down on the grassy ledge and looked at the beautiful, rippling cascades. I never had anybody to share that place with. I had dreamed so many times of taking my sweetheart there and talking under the galaxy of stars, watching the sparks of fireflies hover around us. I wondered if guys like John ever thought about moments like that. Did guys dream of romance?

The moon drifted north, casting a pale light over my face. I looked up unto the heavens, my eyes widening in realization.

I loved John.


	3. The Trials and Tribulations

_A/N: Hey, sorry about the delay. I promised everyone this would be up soon, and I fibbed. lol Well, this chapter has a lot of...well, I've digressed from Rune Scape a little. I promise next chapter I'll describe more scenes and quests, and whatnot... Umm...yeah, this happened long ago, so some details might be vague... Oh, and I want to clarify that some dialogue might be spelled incorrectly, but that's because they're either ignorant or lazy in their writing. So, go with it. Again, thanks to all the reviewers. Keep reviewing =)_**

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**Chapter 3- The Trials and Tribulations**

I thought about the answer I would give John while I was in speech class the next day. Students were giving boring speeches, so Cam and I played hangman surreptitiously. Cam always came up with funny slogans and sayings, and so it was dangerous to play with the noise level on the low. I tried my hardest to suppress my laughter as I completed the puzzle: "The girl behind you has crack hair." I turned around and looked at the sloppy, corpulent girl who sat behind me, and I swung back around, snickering. Mr. Branding eyed Cam and me suspiciously, so I immediately quieted down and thought back to my John.

Why was I choosing anyway? Did I really want to make a commitment to an online person? I frowned, letting my brain answer the question. 'It's not like I have anything going for myself,' I thought dully. 'I'm 17, and I haven't dated since I was 14…nobody wants me here…'

The bell rang, saving me from going into a depression over my current status. I buried my head in my locker, putting things away and grabbing my flute for my last hour, band.

"So what are you doing after school?"

I made a gasp, not expecting Cam's deep voice to be behind me, at my locker…Cam usually was on his way home, as he didn't have a 6th hour.

"I uhh…I dunno, just some homework and-"

"Rune Scape, right?" he asked sarcastically.

My eyes widened in astonishment, but I quickly shrugged my shoulders to hide my hurt.

"Well maybe. Is that ok with you?" I asked snippily.

Cam also shrugged back, but I knew he had an answer for me.

"I just didn't expect someone like you to become a computer junkie. And to flirt with a guy you don't even know also is a big surprise," he said, his brow furrowed. I slammed my locker door and looked at him. "And who should I flirt with, Cameron?" I asked haughtily. "There's nobody worth my time in this awful school." Cam growled in perturbation. "Well you've never flirted with me," he retorted quietly.

People around us looked curiously in our direction. I tended to have a loud, booming voice even when I wasn't arguing, so I suppose I was very loud when our argument began.

"Flirt with YOU, Cam? You're one of my best friends. Why would I flirt with you?"

Cam eyed me with his crazed, hazel orbs. The crowd began to disperse, as class was about to begin. I guessed Cam would make me late.

"Look," I said, wanting to hurry on to band, "you don't want me like that anyway. I think our friendship is enough; I'm content. Aren't you?"

"I guess," Cam said indifferently.

I sighed and began to walk to my class. Like in the car, Cam grabbed my wrist harshly, making me drop my flute to the hard tiles.

"What the hell!" I yelled.

"Don't date him, Mel. Just don't."

"And if I do? What would you do?" I asked, afraid of his answer.

Cam came closer to me and penetrated my eyes with his glare.

"Don't."

He let go of me and stormed quickly out of the building, leaving me to stand still with tears brimming. I picked up my flute, wiped my eyes with my sweater, and headed off to band in bad condition.

o.O.o

I didn't log on for two days. I was afraid to confront John and give him my answer. I just couldn't be his girlfriend… I wanted to be his, but I was afraid of what Cam would do. Ever since our argument, he hadn't spoken to me or even looked at me. I therefore kept quite silent in speech class, for Cam was the only person I ever talked to. While Mr. Branding went over our requirements for our persuasive speech, I took quick glances at my probably now ex-friend. He stared straight ahead at the empty board, but I could feel he knew of my stare. He so obviously was ignoring me. I pouted and wrote my notes.

o.O.o

I waited for him in the sewers, dreading what I had to tell him. By this time we had moved up into the skeletal chambers, where rangers usually shot their cheap arrows. I sat very still in my chair, and my eyes felt like they were burning from the screen's glow. Finally he came, waltzing in his Rune Armour. When he first wore it, I was so jealous, and I told him so. He laughed and said he'd never train mage again so he could wear his rune. I shrugged it off, but every now and then he'd be smug about it. I had also by then attained a level in the mid 50s, but I dared not to venture on to the quest to slay the dragon of Dragon Slayer. And so I stood next to John, feeling virtually inferior.

Mafia: So…?

Gale: I don't know.

Mafia: …

Gale: It's horrible of you to make me decide such a thing.

Mafia: I know…

I began combating skeletons and zombies. John merely watched, for he saw no use in gaining little experience from low-leveled creatures. I didn't speak. In my mind, I could hear Cam's warning. I didn't want to listen to it. What the hell did he know? He never met John. Thinking of that, my heart sunk. Technically…I hadn't met John either…

'No,' my mind insisted. 'You do know him. His words are true, and you feel that.'

My head held doubt while my heart held hope. And as usual, my hopeful heart outweighed my matter-of-fact head. I loved this person, and I wanted to experience a relationship with him. Who the hell cared if it was online? I experienced the same kind of feelings and emotions as I did with previous crushes. Wasn't love more than physical contact anyway? Granted, physical contact must be rendered some time for a relationship to grow and last, but for now, when it was so new and young with John and me? What did it matter? Of course, if you thought of it in a different light, one could…

Mafia: Mela?

Gale: Wha-?

Mafia: I'll tell Ant you choose him…

My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Do I refuse both him and Anth? Do I just take Anth and not worry about falling in love? Should I listen to Cam? But John… I loved him…

Gale: No.

Mafia: No what?

Gale: I don't care, I want you, John! I don't want Anthony; I just want you.

Gale: I don't care what anyone says, I want you.

Mafia: …

I froze. Oh gol, he didn't want me after all. It was just a ruse to make me look crazy. Oh gol…what had I done… He wasn't SAYING anything!

Mafia: Well…Ant saw that…

Gale: Saw what? Oh…oh well…

Mafia: Slammed the door and everything…

Gale: Oh…

I don't know how my John felt at that moment, but I felt as light as a feather. Screw Cam, my friends, and Anth. I wanted John, and I got him. He was mine.

Mafia: Mela?

Gale: Yes, John?

Mafia: I love you.

o.O.o

Days flew by. It was late April, and John and I were very happy together. We played almost every day with each other, and John was playing basketball as well. He was sometimes tired and grumpy when he got on, but I kept perky and upbeat, hoping to assuage his bad moods. Anthony played every now and then, which I didn't mind at all. His gangster talk was becoming almost dear to me, and our relationship grew to be solid. John would usually kick him off, though, so there was no way to get deep with the guy.

One day, John and I got on a weird topic playing Rune Scape. We started talking about our schools, and I think (this was so long ago; I can't remember the details for the life of me)…John commented that he was in a gang. I laughed at first, for the imagery of John and other big guys in a huddle wearing black jackets, jeans with holes, baseball caps, and dangles of bling hanging their necks amused me greatly. I thought it was so lame, and I told John so.

Mafia: No no.

Mafia: Not that kind of gang where you just look like idiots.

Gale: …?

Mafia: Sigh

I could almost hear his sigh; it seemed so profound.

Mafia: We'd fight, like actually fight. There have been drive bys, fist fights…

Gale: What? What would you fight over?

Mafia: Idk. Our turfs, I guess.

I stared, horrified, at the screen. I was usually a very trusting person (a nice way to say I was gullible), so I of course wanted to believe him. But I never thought gangs like that still existed. I thought West Side Story was over by now.

Yes, I was provincial, and things like gangs never entered my life. Being Mormon, I suppose one could say I was sheltered from the realities of the world. I didn't know where I could get drugs, let alone take them, I wasn't sexually active, I didn't swear profusely; I wasn't even allowed to wear a two-piece bathing suit. I was a good Molly Mormon (still am, haha), and so when worldly things such as gangs came into my safeguarded world, I became frightened, or at least uncomfortable. I had no idea kids could be involved in dangerous gangs

Mafia: I've lost a lot of friends being involved…

Ok, I thought. C'mon. What was he trying to prove? I already loved him. He didn't need to make things up.

Gale: C'mon, John. You're telling the truth?

Mafia: Yes.

Mafia: You don't believe me?

Gale: I just…I don't want you in a gang, John…

John didn't reply. He clicked around various places, moving to keep logged in. I think we were fighting white knights in Falador when this discussion came about. Once in a while he'd attack a knight, but he usually let me get the majority of them.

Gale: I love you, John…

Mafia: =]

Mafia: Ily2

We digressed from the subject, but it never left my mind.

o.O.o

A couple of days later, I talked to Anthony instead of John on Rune Scape. He always initiated conversation, for I was still weary to talk to him because of my decision to date John instead of him.

Mafia: Hey girl

(Anth always referred to me as 'girl;' a nickname I had become attached to)

Gale: Hey Anthony =)

Mafia: So John told ya about da gang huh.

I nearly started at the mention of their perilous gang.

Gale: Yeah, he did.

Mafia: We been in dat gang for years na

Gale: Why do you stay with it?

Mafia: We gotta defend our turf

Gale: Do your parents know about it?

Mafia: Hell na

Gale: What if something happened to you? What would they do? What would _I_ do?

Mafia: Idk…

Gale: I don't know why you would do something so dangerous.

Gale: You have so much to live for.

Mafia: Me and John can take care of ourselves

Mafia: Dont worry bout it iight

Gale: Why do you talk gangster? It's not very professional.

Mafia: I can change that.

From then on, Anthony became grammatically correct, more so than John even. I suppose it was all a show, for after that, I realized Anthony was a very intelligent person, like his brother. It's funny how different he came to be, after my comment. And later on, he became even more different still. Anthony came to be a big part of my life like John had become.

o.O.o

John was busy with basketball, so I decided to surprise him by beating Dragon Slayer and wearing rune for when he returned. I had accumulated enough gold pieces to buy the full rune set, but I couldn't wear the plate, hence the need to complete Dragon Slayer. I had 32 points, and I still had the Prince Ali Rescue to complete…but I decided to delay that by training my combat level in the shack containing moss giants by the Grand Exchange. Thankfully, before his temporary leave, John left me his spare brass key so I could get into the place (I still don't know why the key is necessary…). Not only would I gain experience in my strength level, I would also make a profit by selling the big bones (yeah, I forgot about my prayer leveling). Since buying the rune set, I virtually was rendered poor.

There was always a crowd in that shack, so one had to muscle his or her way through, keeping an eye open for a free, unaccompanied spot. I found a spot in the far west corner, and I was avaricious in the way I overtook another competitive player. The graphics down there in the sepulchral ground were bland and boring. I knew I couldn't stay there for a long time, for there was nothing to let your eyes settle on. Everything was earthy in tone, and the moss giants weren't complicated in their make-up. I figured getting a couple of loads would suffice, and then I would venture to complete the most famous of quests.

I went back and forth about 4 times, and I decided the 5th time would be my last before resuming to my initial goal. I had almost a full inventory of bones when a player Mager K, level 87, came and took over my giant.

Gale: Oh c'mon. I need this more than you.

Mager: lol srry

Gale: Eh.

I decided having 26 bones was good enough, so I made my escape out of the grounds and to the GE. I was curious, though. And I still can't understand why to this day. I felt compelled to add the Mager stranger. I did so, and his Private Chat was on, so his name immediately went to the top of my friends list, highlighted in green. I wrote casually:

Gale: Getting your share of giants?

Mager: lol yea

Mager: how r u?

Gale: Oh, I'm wonderful. I'm just selling less than a full inventory of big bones…

Mager: lol ull nvr let that go huh

Gale: You got it.

Mager's name was Cody, and he was 15, almost 16. He was a pretty simple guy. He wasn't much of an intellectual, but he had a sweet spirit about him. He asked if I had MSN Messenger after a while of talking, and I said I had. We exchanged our web IDs and began chatting on that instead. I saw his picture, and he was pretty cute. I've always had a thing for noses, and boy, did he have a cute nose! I mentioned this to him, and he seemed oddly pleased.

Cody: lol ty mela

Cody: do u have a pic of u?

Ugh. I knew that was coming. I went through my picture files, and I chose a picture of myself that I tinted a light gold. I looked quite pretty, I thought, but I had always been afraid to give myself credit for anything. I knew I wasn't hot, and I knew I wasn't beautiful, but when I looked in the mirror, at my reflection, I could see that I was comely. My brows were thick and dark, but I took time to shape them every day. My eyes, I thought, were the only gorgeous part of my body. They were big in their almond shape, fully and darkly lashed. The green part of my eyes was brightly dark, and the hazel swirled gracefully inside the big pool of green. My nose was decent, but a little hooked when you looked at me from the side. That came from my dad and his Armenian heritage. My lips were full, not thick, and the pale shade of red was attractive. My long, light brown hair was always shiny and very fine. I always had people compliment the softness of it. I was overall a pretty girl, but guys had never paid any attention to me, so I assumed my kind of pretty wasn't sought after. I put my picture on display and waited for his answer. He didn't say anything about it as we talked, so I just forgot about it and felt more at ease.

Cody: u should become a mem

Mela: Nah, I'm good. I won't be one unless Trent is one.

Cody: is that ur bf?

Mela: Add another 'f,' and you'd be correct.

Cody: huh?

Mela: We're best friends, that's all. Lol.

Cody: o ok lol

Cody: hey ur pretty

Cody: I didnt even see ur pic

I blushed profusely, the heat radiating off my cheeks.

Mela: Thanks.

Cody: heres a pic of my abs

My eyes widened in surprise. This kid had a nice body.

Mela: Wow. Nice, big abs, Cody.

Cody: there not the biggest thing i have lol

Mela: "-.-

I chose to digress from that comment.

o.O.o

John was finally on, and I couldn't have been happier. Unfortunately, John wasn't as happy. He was tired and grumpy from practice, and his mood almost brought me down. Cody was on as well, and he invited me to train on moss giants in the murky depths of the Wilderness. I told John I was going to hang out with Cody, and he insisted on coming along with me. I didn't mind, but I thought his motives were a little mistrustful on his part. I asked Cody if John could come along, and he graciously accepted the tag along. Cody and John jumped to my world (Cody was a member, but he had bought free armour just for the occasion), and we went off to the Wilderness.

Gale: Umm…Cody, will I be ok? I'm still wearing Addy armor.

Mager: Ill protect u mela

Mafia: I will…

I rolled my eyes. Please tell me my John wasn't jealous.

Mager: Here mela

I received a plethora of lobsters, impressed at his planning.

Mager: u and john get in my clan chat 2

[Slow Death] Gale: Ok =)

[Slow Death] Mafia: …

I saw a private message from John.

Mafia: He's all over you.

Gale: No he's not, John. I just met him.

Mafia: I don't like him…and I don't like being in his cc…we're always in yours…

Gale: John, I love Y O U.

Cody led us to an area where very little detail was drawn. There were bones everywhere, and the virtual sky was dark and dreary. I had never been in the wilderness before, and I didn't know what to expect. We came upon some moss giants finally, and Cody began attacking them immediately. I stood by John, hesitant to join in the fun. I guess Cody sensed something was up, so he messaged me privately.

Mager: Is he ur bf?

Gale: Yeah, and he's really jealous.

Mager: Of me?

Gale: lol…yeah.

Mager: Well i like u but im not gonna take u from him

Gale: Oh…

I wasn't disappointed that he wouldn't chase me; I was just uncomfortable that he liked me in the same way John did.

Thinking now about those past events, I cringe at how I wasn't more careful, more alert. John had been right. Cody wanted me, and I ignored his concerns, supposing it to be superfluous. I'd like to clarify now that I was totally oblivious to how John felt about me then. He truly loved me. I loved him too, but I never thought of our relationship as permanent, so I never fell deeper in love with him like I did later. I honestly didn't think we were dating for real, but many months later, I found out quite the contrary. But by then, it was all too late. I had strayed.

o.O.o

John ended up leaving and logging off angry, because a Rev had killed him, and he lost a lot of money (why he carried money, I still don't know). He blamed Cody, of course, and I did nothing to side with John. It wasn't Cody that took his money; the game itself had. John logged off, and I was left with Cody. He decided to help me with the Prince Ali quest. He got all the items needed for it in no time at all, and he told me where to go, who to speak with, etc. We talked on messenger while doing this, so we were able to get more personal with our conversation (no blocks, ha).

He lived all the way in Oregon. He was 3 hours behind me, so during school weeks I had to be on late if I wanted to talk to him. We had a lot of things in common. We liked the same video games and TV shows, we loved being outside, we loved our families, etc. And while all those things were good, I couldn't help but notice that Cody wasn't that…well, bright. He wasn't intellectual, and I suppose I should have known from his writing, but then again, Anthony was putting on a show. Unfortunately, Cody was not doing the same thing.

Again, looking back at that, I don't know how I became attracted to Cody in the first place. But, I fell for him. Hard and stupidly.

o.O.o

John hadn't been on at all for 3 solid weeks. I was miserable without him, and my mind strayed to horrible ideas. What if he quit and didn't tell me? What if he didn't love me anymore? What happened to him?! I felt so alone, and unfortunately, Cody was always there to stroke my badly bruised heart.

Another 2 weeks passed by without my John being on (it might have been fewer than 2, but believe me, by the time he came back, he felt like a stranger). I took many walks to alleviate the sinking feeling in soul. I don't remember if I cried for his absence, because being dumped or played had become routine to me. I do remember, however, scratching his name from the engraving of my heart, and agreeing to be Cody's girlfriend when he finally braved to ask. I agreed with a sick feeling in my stomach. I wanted someone to love me. I wanted to have those butterflies John had given me when our relationship first began. I wanted my John…but I thought him to be gone.

o.O.o

Cody and I got very close, even though in the beginning I was hesitant and indifferent. We even got in the habit of calling one another. He had a higher, softer voice, which contrasted greatly with my booming, lower-pitched voice. Cody was a very flirtatious boy. He always brought up sex, whether the topic we were already on was germane or not. At first I was shy about it, never having been intimate with anyone before, but I then became quite used to it, and participated slightly, making up innuendos. Cody was a person I could tell anything to. He was open-minded, and he reserved judgment until he knew the whole of the situation. He was an easy person to love, as much as I regret loving him in the first place now. I loved him, though. I will admit it

o.O.o

After a while, I did _fall_ in love with Cody. He was very sweet to me, and we talked a lot, through computer and phone. I found out he used to be Mormon, so Trent and I would talk to him about our beliefs and standards once in a while. Trent was so excited to be an early missionary. For a while, Cody seemed interested, but later on I found it to be false.

John was becoming a faded memory, kept locked in the back of my mind. I missed him, to be sure, but I felt animosity toward him as well. He left me. He left me alone, and it hurt so much. But then…I had Cody… I felt guilty, since John and I hadn't officially broken up. But how long was I supposed to wait? I had made my decision, and I couldn't go back.

o.O.o

Without expecting it, John logged on to Mafia one day, and I nearly choked. My cheeks became hot, and my breathing quickened.

Mafia: Hey.

Gale: Hi, John.

Mafia: I've been busy. I'm sorry I haven't been on.

That was his apology. For weeks he had torn my heart to shreds, and that was his brilliant explanation. And although I was dismayed at his crummy apology, I didn't have the guts to tell him about Cody. It was wrong with me, but I ignored that fact that John expected us to still be together. I had Cody tell him days later, and John messaged me frantically.

Mafia: You're going with Mager?!

Gale: Yes…I didn't think you were coming back…

Gale: You were never on.

Mafia: I was on, Mela! Just…you weren't on as well…

Gale: Well you could have done something, anything.

I had no idea why I delighted in being cold toward him. In fact, after a while, I didn't even care about him. I had already put him behind me. I began my days thinking of Cody now.

o.O.o

I saw John often on Rune Scape. He always talked to me, I think hoping I'd come back to him. Or maybe he was just bored. I'm not really sure. I talked to him stoically, almost maliciously. I was still angry for his leaving me. It was beginning to die down a bit, and John's charm came through, in his words, as it always had. But my unforgiving him made me forget all of the wonderful things about him.

o.O.o

Cody and I began to have trouble in June. Cody was becoming vague in conversation, and it seemed like it was only I that put effort into our relationship. I was miserable.

John informed me he would be leaving for Florida and stay there for 3 weeks. I didn't think much of it, for I filled my head with nothing but Cody, so John left me again for another 3 weeks or so without a significant goodbye from me. Cody and I started to fight constantly. We talked of meeting and getting serious with one another, but there were complications. My standards were quite a bit higher than his, and it bothered me a lot. He was so insistent on having sex as soon as we met, and I wasn't going for it. He began to resent me for it, and I him. Deep down in my heart, I knew I deserved better. I deserved someone smarter, with morals, and someone responsible…better to me… John…what had I done?

o.O.o

John came back three weeks later, as promised. He entered my clan chat, and I was already talking to Jess (Lil Layla) in there. I was about ready to leave for Canada with my parents for 3 days since the summer had begun. I told them this, and only Jess seemed to be disappointed. I left, logged off, and returned 3 days later after a somewhat, hellacious trip. And it only got worse when I logged on to Rune Scape. John was on, and he of course initiated conversation.

Mafia: Hey…

Gale: Hey John.

Mafia: I'm going with Jess now…

I froze. Was he saying what I thought he was saying? Jess was on as well, and…she was in the same world as John. I was angry. Oh boy, was I angry. But what could I have done? I had left him, so why should he have to wait for me? I was so sick to my stomach that I logged off and cried in my room until I fell asleep.

o.O.o

Cody and I were pretty shaky, even when he called me on a Sunday night. The Sunday night before I was leaving for camp. On either Friday or Saturday, he said he couldn't be with me if I continued to believe in my church standards (I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. He didn't.) I was hurt that sex was such a huge factor with him, and so when we spoke on the phone, I was blank and indifferent.

"I'm leaving for camp tomorrow," I said. "For how long?" "About a week." Cody sighed and let a minute of silence slowly go by. "Well, I better get to bed," he said quietly. "Ok," I replied dully. "I love you, Mela." "Good night, Cody." "Mela!..." his voice sounded almost desperate. I held the receiver to my ear, waiting for his rebuttal. "What?" I asked impatiently. "Nothing. Good night, Mel…" I hung up without replying and packed for camp, tears in my eyes.

o.O.o

Camp was so much fun, and I made so many new friends. It was nice to get a break from Cody and Rune Scape. In fact, it felt so nice that I didn't log on until Sunday, even though I had returned Friday afternoon. I was actually pleased when I saw Cody was on. It was usually I who began the greeting, but I was surprised when he spoke first.

Mager: Hey mela umm im srry

Gale: For what?

Mager: I dont want 2 hurt u so I cant tell u

Gale: Say it.

In the past, Cody and I had discussed our relationship. I didn't know he actually considered me his, as in we were exclusive. I was pleasantly surprised back then, and I vowed to be faithful, even if a real life person came into the picture. I would break up with Cody before I cheated on him. So when I read the next few sentences, I was dumbfounded.

Mager: I went swimming and i met this girl

Mager: I walked her home 2 b a gentleman and we kind of made out…

Where were my tears? Why wasn't I crying? I felt humiliated and used. How could he? 4 months of dating, and he did this?!

Mager: So wat do u want 2 do?

Gale: I guess we're over.

Mager: R u sure?

Gale: You cheated on me. Of course I'm sure.

Mager: So its over like that?

Gale: Yes, you can delete me now.

Mager: Wat we cant b friends?

Gale: Why would I want to be friends? You made out with another girl.

Mager: U said u wood always b there 4 me

Gale: Yeah, when you deserved it. You deserve no such thing now.

Mager: Fine bye mela

I logged off. My heartbeat quickened, and my head began to spin. I needed to talk to someone. I called my friend, Mia, from church. She knew all about Cody; I had spilled all my secrets to her one night when we had a sleepover. She was very supportive of my online situation, and she thought it to be cute and not at all stupid. I couldn't think of a better person to call than my best friend.

When I heard the concern in her voice (it was 1 in the morning, and I sounded frantic), I started to weep and shake. Fortunately, she remained patient and calm when I told her what had happened through hiccoughs and tears. She was matter-of-fact in the way she consoled me. She softly told me that it was fortunate that this was online, because she supposed it would have been harder had I been with him physically. I sniffled, listening to her advice. She also said it wasn't worth lowering one's standards for the sake of love. It wasn't worth it, and I could find a better person than he. I stammered that nobody else wanted me. Nobody wanted a virgin, Mormon girl, who was plain and geeky. She laughed a little and assured me I was much more, but I wasn't so sure. We hung up about an hour later. I couldn't sleep. But I didn't want to be awake either. I slowly went back to my room and sat at the computer, logging on to Gale. Cody was still on. He hadn't deleted me. I looked at his username for over 20 minutes, confused and hypnotized. 'What have I done?' I thought to myself. 'I threw away John, and I dumped Cody. I have no one. I'm nothing again.'

I right-clicked Mager's name, and I deleted him from my life.

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_A/N: Well, how was that? A lot of drama...I know...I'm a stupid girl, but I can assure you I've grown up a bit lol. I'm sorry if this seems so fast-paced, but I'm trying to get this story done for someone as soon as I possibly can. Next update may be even longer, but I'll try my best to keep up with it. Thanks for reading =) Click that review button!_

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	4. You Win Some, and You Lose Some

_A/N: This is a shorter chapter, but eh. I dunno if I'll be updating any time soon after this, so I thought I'd post what I had. Ok, some comments: I don't want people bashing me for the decisions I made in this story. Can we all remember that some of this is made up? Yeah, a lot of this stuff happened, but I've added in some other things to just add drama. Please don't chastise me or reprimand me, because #1 you have no idea what really happened, and #2 who cares? I sure don't. Anyway...that's just to clear some reviews up... Anyway, thank you to the people who have reviewed correctly. I could also use help with maybe the grammar? I know my wording is often awkward. So yup, enjoy Chapter 4._**

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**Chapter 4- You Win Some, and You Lose Some**

Not oddly enough, it only took me a couple of days to get over Cody. I figured that it was because I was sadder being with him than happier. And so I continued to play Rune Scape. Trent and I spent a lot of time together during the summer. I would wake up around 10, get on, play for an hour and a half (Trent usually got up at 7AM, so our timing was pretty pro), log off, live life, then log back on around 9 in the evening until I got bored of the game (which was rare). So it was only natural that Trent and I grew closer and closer to one another. We promised each other that we would always keep in touch, no matter where life took us. Trent made up his own My Space for the sake of keeping in touch with me, if for some reason I couldn't get on Rune Scape. As a result, Trent and I stayed connected throughout the summer. The great thing about our relationship, I realized, was that it was real. And because of our age difference, romantic love was not a issue at all. We were BFFs, the last 'F' being extremely true. Even with the incidents involving John and Cody, I knew I could count on my best buddy. Sure, I had some pretty awesome real life friends I could go to, but Trent and I were one. We blended beautifully together; we understood each other; we loved one another. We were best friends.

o.O.o

I still saw John a lot; in fact, he, Jess and I hung out quite often in Falador, combating the White Knights. I was jealous and introverted at first, still not liking the idea of another girl taking my love, but after hanging out with them a couple of times, I realized they were just good friends with bf and gf labels. There didn't seem to be any passion, spark, or warmth like there had been when it had been me and John. But, what could I do? I couldn't call them on it. He had obviously moved on, so I had to as well. Thank goodness for Trent… Even when I was down in the dumps about the whole thing, the kid helped me out. Boy. To this day, I wonder at the luck I had in finding him.

o.O.o

It was late one night as I logged on to Rune Scape in the deep of July. I decided to go to one of the first, busy worlds and stand around aimlessly in the Varrock Square. I was tired, even though it was only midnight. But I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't sleep. I didn't want to dream. I was comforted, though, to know and watch other people in various parts of the world were up and bustling about, completing quests and other activities. I watched as crude, male players hit on low-leveled girls, who wore skimpy, noobish clothing. I sat, amused, thinking of how silly it all seemed when one thought about it. There I was, sitting at my laptop screen taking enjoyment in reading the words of young strangers. I stood near the waters, "listening."

I had grown wealthy in the last few months, and my ensemble had become more sophisticated as a result. My hair was still long, but blue, to match my trimmed rune. I wore a power amulet, a blue water tiara, a Team 29 cape, and fancy boots. Many lame idiots came my way, cracking sexual innuendos. I smiled once in a while at their sweet nothings. I politely declined their come ons, and walked away to stand alone.

Alone. I was alone, and it had all been my fault that it was so. I had burned so many friendships in the last couple of months I had played. Cam no more spoke to me; Cody was erased; I rarely chatted with Jess; and John…what a fool I had been.

The crowd began to disperse, and I was left only to hear the conversation of a couple, who stood near the clothing shop. The stupid jokes, the unnecessary laughing, the smiles and exclamations…ha. They loved each other; it was apparent. It was the same way John and I had been, before he started basketball and took a long break. Sigh…I missed those times (still do). But I supposed that I should move on and find someone else like he had. I thought of just going around and finding somebody in Lumbridge or Varrock.

Haha…it was funny to think about the many thousands of people who played Rune Scape. It was probable a few secure relationships would develop if I had known those people in real life. It was even probable that I would make enemies with some of the people in real life. There were so many people who played the game, so many personalities and cultures.

It greatly saddened me that in real life I was so limited. I could only go so many places; I could only meet so many people; I only had so much time. I think that was why I chose to play the game in the first place. I wanted to break free, just a little, from reality's limitations. At least by playing, I could meet people from just about anywhere. And so far, I had come to care for a lot of people I never would have known, had it not been for the game. Meeting Trent and John was good enough reason to continue playing. I loved them with all my heart.

Just at that moment, Mafia logged on, and I smiled. I figured it to be Anthony, since John rarely got on late at night, but as soon as he spoke, I knew it to be my John.

Mafia: Hey, Mela.

Gale: Hey, John.

Mafia: What are you doing?

Gale: I'm just standing in Lummy.

Mafia: Again? Lol

Gale: Of course.

Mafia: Want me to come to your world, and we can cut our yew tree?

Gale: Sure. I'd like that.

'I'd love that,' thought I. In a few minutes we were together, working on his favorite skill. His woodcutting level was still high, compared to mine, but I could at least cut yews by then.

Mafia: You look very blue today ^^

Gale: How so?

I thought he was talking emotionally.

Mafia: You know, your rune, hair, and tiara.

Gale: Oh lol, you mean that.

Mafia: Lol.

We talked of trivial things until he pressed upon a touchy subject: Cody.

Mafia: So how's Mager or whatever…?

Gale: …

Mafia: What?

Gale: We broke up, and I've erased him from my life.

Mafia: Wow…

Gale: Yeah…

Mafia: Well, he was a jerk. You should have heard him when he told me he got you…

Mafia: He was so **** cocky about it.

Gale: I'm sorry, John. I should have…I wanted to…

Mafia: Yes?

Gale: Nothing. Forget it.

Mafia: Mela, tell me.

Gale: Well it's too late. You've got Jess, and

Mafia: I love you, Mela.

My breath stopped short, and I looked at my screen, shocked. Tears started to brim, and my chest started heaving up and down intermittently.

Gale: John…

Mafia: I never stopped loving you, Mela.

Mafia: I was so hurt when Cody told me about…

Mafia: And I stared at your picture every night afterwards, wishing…

Mafia: Wishing that you were mine again.

I forgot to mention that I had gotten the courage to send a picture of myself to John before he and I had broken up. It was a cheesy smile, but John had complimented my thickly-lashed eyes, and that was good enough for me. Anthony later told me that John was very happy with the way I looked, and that he loved me more for it. I don't remember ever smiling more than when he told me that.

Mafia: I cried, Mela… You have no idea…

Gale: Oh…John…

Mafia: Yes?

Gale: I don't deserve you…I made a terrible mistake, and

Mafia: So fix it by going out with me again.

Gale: What about Jess?

Mafia: Well…she's a kid…we never talk about anything…

Mafia: She's nothing to you, Mela.

I started crying, no, bawling. Tears trickled down my face onto my quaking hands. I wish, John, you could have seen how happy I was. I wish you could have known how fast my heart fluttered, slowly piecing itself together from the shattering of leaving you and dating someone else not even close to your worth. I wish you could have known how much I wanted to kiss and hold you all night, till I no longer could hear anything but the sound of your heart beating against your chest, my head resting on top. John, I was in love with you, and I always shall be.

o.O.o

John and I were back together, and Jess didn't seem to mind one bit. I asked her if it hurt her, and she replied that John and she hardly spoke anyway. He always spoke more when he and she were in my clan chat, talking to me. I suppose it was wrong of John to have gone out with Jess in the first place, but it was for the same reason I went out with Cody. We wanted to be loved, and we were selfish about it. I realized that, and I tried hard to never make the same mistake. It did make me think a little, though. From what John told me, and from what Anth corroborated, John seemed to have it all. Good looks, prestige, talent, wealth, and popularity were only some of the many things John had going for him. Why was he taking a chance with me? There had to be hot girls with a similar personality. Why didn't he just leave me and find someone else? Why had he loved me still after all those months? When would he realize I was mediocre, in both beauty and disposition? It scared me, for sure, that he would indeed realize it. But, even when we hung out, he never seemed to figure it out. He seemed to really love me, and I felt special and honored. Everything seemed to be right. I was completely happy again.

Trent was extremely happy for us, and I remember having the best times of my life when the 3 of us chatted in my clan chat. Remembering all my previous loves and crushes, I can honestly say John was by far the most loved. It seemed right (still does), and I'll never think anything else.

John eventually did send me a picture of himself, and I nearly started, for it was not how I pictured John at all. I pictured John to be pale and have angel-like features. Don't ask me why, haha. I expected him to have the sweetest smile, and big, wide eyes. The John I saw in the picture was totally different.

For my benefit, John took a picture of himself with his shirt off, to show off his abs. At first I was a bit put off, for his muscles were very pronounced, but after a while of thorough looking, I found it to be very attractive. He had dark skin, not light (I don't know why I pictured light skin…ugh…), and he looked to be extremely tall, as he said he was. His face was very handsome. His eyes were sharp and almost well…malicious. Overall, they were drop dead sexy. His nose was unique. I'd never seen a nose like it. As I'd said earlier, I had a thing for noses, and his nose was quite different. It wasn't aristocratic, it was almost rounded at the tip…ugh, I can't find words to explain it. I'll just say that it was a handsome nose indeed. His lips were full, not thick. They looked to be kissable…very kissable. He wore a hat, so I couldn't see his hair very well, but sweet Jesum…I loved the dark hair I could see. Although he was hot, I didn't feel lust for him, well…hmm, well I did, but not at first. I felt a deeper love for him. This was my John. This was my love. This was the boy I wanted to be with, for a long, long time.

o.O.o

As always, good things never last. A couple of weeks had passed by before John and I bickered over something stupid. I remember that I commented on his age once. I, for some reason, thought him to be 15. When I stated this (I think I was trying to guess his Chinese Animal…haha, I have no idea), he got quiet.

Mafia: …

Mafia: I'm 14.

I was shocked. In truth, I was almost repelled by his age, but I shook it off immediately, not caring one bit how old my love was. He felt older to me, and he was very mature for being 14, so I didn't care.

Mafia: You didn't know?

Gale: No, but it doesn't matter.

Mafia: You should go for someone older…

Gale: No. I love you, now stop.

Mafia: Anthony wants you…

Gale: What? I thought he had a girlfriend?

Mafia: They broke up. He deserves you.

Gale: John, c'mon, please…

Mafia: If he's giving you the opportunity to leave him, then take it.

Gale: Anth? Where's John?

Mafia: He's lying down.

Gale: Tell him to get back here.

Mafia: He doesn't want to. He's done, Mela.

Gale: No…no, we're not done. Tell him to come here…

Mafia: Give me a chance, Mela.

Gale: John is seriously done? We're not going out now?

Mafia: Yeah.

My stomach clenched, and I battled to keep from crying. My love broke up with me because of my age. I felt sick and hopeless again.

Gale: Why do you want me anyway…

Gale: I'm just Mela now…

Mafia: A Mela I'm in love with.

Gale: What the hell? You had a girlfriend?

Gale: And we never talk, so when did you start to love me?

Mafia: You're just an addicting person.

I was angry at John for leaving me. Anthony deserved me?! I hardly knew him! I wanted only my John. I told Anthony I would think it over, hoping John would come back to his senses and apologize for being abrupt and rash. I didn't expect to have to answer to Anthony's request.

o.O.o

Over the next couple of days, John avoided me, and it really hurt my feelings. But Anthony was always on, keeping Trent and me company. Anthony usually came to train with me, so our talks became familiar and more personal, as it had gone with Cody. I came to learn that Anth was a rougher, more serious person than John. He was more confident, more sure of himself. He knew exactly what he wanted, and he oozed with male authority. His words were eloquent, yet severe as well. He was totally different from my John, but it was a good sort of different. Anthony didn't beat around the bush. When something was on his mind, he spoke of it openly, whereas John tended to use a sort of code, a code of which I could never figure out.

One day, Anthony told me that John and Jess were going back out, and I was devastated. I felt so betrayed. Anth told me he loved me after he spouted the news, and I agreed to go out with him, give him a chance. There was one thing, though, I did not count on: I didn't count on falling in love with Anthony as well.

At first, I was indifferent toward Anth. I didn't want to be his at first, and I thought I made it quite obvious, but Anthony still professed his love to me, and I almost felt obligated to reciprocate. I didn't say 'I love you' for the longest time. I felt like I would betray John, but I knew he and Jess were exchanging those sacred words. I wanted to only say 'I love you' when I really meant it. I cared for Anth; that was definite. And I knew if he kept loving me like he was, I would soon fall for him. I honestly can't describe the feelings I held at the time. I was confused still at the fact that I held such feelings for people I did not know face to face. All I did know was that those feelings rushed into my heart strongly, whether I wanted them to or not. I felt like both Anthony and John belonged in my life. I felt that most ardently. I suppose I wasn't sure if one of those boys was my soul mate, but I nevertheless felt a connection between us. I came to love Anthony, and I already loved John. But how? How had I come to be irrevocably in love with them? Wasn't it just an online game?

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_A/N: Yaya. I did it. Chapter 4. Whoo fricken hoo. Please review and give me some pointers ;D

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	5. Two Brothers and Doubt

_A/N: Well, sorry for the late update. Haha...that's really all I have to say, but enjoy and review._**

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**Chapter 5- Two Brothers and Doubt**

August came and went, and Anthony hadn't been on for the whole of the month. Since I wasn't as deeply in love with him as I was with John, it didn't bother me too much. But, John wasn't on either. All I had were Trent and Duy (Asian Life, a good Vietnamese friend).

I read a lot during Anth and John's absence. I introduced myself to more of Dostoevsky and Rand's works. I was determined to embrace the fictional world instead of pondering over my depressing real world. I practiced my flute, went to band camp, walked with Seth, and just lived life as best I could without them.

School had finally arrived, and I was swept back into a robotic routine of homework, clubs, and after-school activities. I made it on to Rune Scape, of course, because Trent and I still hung out quite frequently. The first couple of weeks of school were wonderful. I loved all my classes, and I was more confident in myself. It was my senior year, and I was determined to make it a good one. Classes didn't take up much of my time, so I often took walks in the evening down by the stream where fireflies again populated the vast emptiness of the woods. I thought about about how badly I wanted to show John this worshiped place of mine. I wanted to show him the whole area, from the empty wheat fields to the untamed peaks of the dunes. I missed him, and I even missed Anthony. I missed the times when John was hopelessly in love with me, and I with him. I missed the times we would talk endlessly in our spot in Lumbridge, cutting our destined tree. But when he gave me to Anth...I supposed that he felt nothing for me. I was part of the past, and it ripped my heart apart.

o.O.o

[Tos Ftw] Gale: Ok, scene.

Trent and I were in my clan chat making up scenes. This had become a favorite game of ours, and it was my turn to give one.

[Tos Ftw] Gale: You're at a carnival, and you walk into the house of mirrors...

[Tos Ftw] Mafia: Hey.

[Tos Ftw] Tcore: Hey! Long time no see

I was so focused on my scene that I hadn't even noticed Anthony logging on. I was so surprised; my heart started beating fast and unpleasantly. In a private message, Anthony wrote:

Mafia: I missed you so much.

Gale: You still love me, huh.

Mafia: Yes, my love for you never died.

I wished I felt the same way, but I had been so disappointed with his absence and by John's total indifference toward me, that I felt animosity toward Anth's sentiments. But, I stayed polite and cordial, for I was feeling extremely generous. I asked general questions, how he was (fine), why he hadn't been on (computer crashed), how college was going (fine), etc (fine, fine), until I asked a question that had been bugging me for a while.

Gale: How's your gang going?

Mafia: We quit that a long time ago, Mela.

Gale: Really? How come? Both you and John?

Mafia: Yes, John and I chose you instead.

I held my breath, thinking over the words he wrote. Maybe...

Gale: Well John can go back now that I'm out of the picture.

Anthony was quiet for a while. I could tell he was thinking deeply about an answer he was going to give me. I waited, wondering what on earth was bothering him and conflicting with his readiness to answer.

Mafia: He...still loves you...

My eyes widened in disbelief. Could it be possible? 'No,' thought I. 'He left me. Maybe he still loves me, but...I must be no more to him.'

Anthony and I moved on from the subject and got together to combat on Ice Giants, which had become our usual activity as the month went on. I was determined not to fall in love with Anthony like I had with John. But, it was very hard. I was attracted to his intelligence. And, to me, he was a guy who had real class, which was very unusual for a person his age. And he and John had such a different way of speaking (or typing, in this case). The phrases they used were sometimes so old-fashioned or hackneyed that it made me giggle senselessly. But it was endearing all the same. I came to love Anthony over the months. I loved him and John so much. I wanted to take care of them and show them the kind of person I could be when not online. I wanted to show my love for them physically.

o.O.o

Anthony and I stayed together until the end of October, or at least until early November. I had spoken to my sister, Sammy, about my feelings for Anth and John. I told her I wanted to meet them and be with them. I cried with her for some time, for it was really driving me insane that I couldn't be with the people I loved. I suppose Sammy took my crying as a cue to talk to Anthony, and yes, she did so. She asked Anthony what the point of dating me was.

Mafia: I love her, that's why.

Sammy: But ull never meet her so break it off

Mafia: Sammy...no offense, but you're 10. What do you know?

Sammy: I no she cries 4 u

Sammy: She luvs u and she wants 2 b with u

On that note, Anthony was silent. The next time I got on (I had no knowledge of that conversation until much later when Sammy confessed), Anth broke up with me, claiming that the relationship was getting too deep. He left, and John took his place to play. But I was too upset to play any longer. I logged off and went for one of my many walks to my stream, crying until the moon hung brightly over my head.

o.O.o

John asked me back out. He told me he loved me still, and that he had made a mistake, like I had with Cody. I took him back, and I loved him all over again. But I never forgot Anthony. John and I lasted until early December. We broke off again, because I finally spoke of meeting with him. John was very much put off. He told me he wanted to keep our relationship virtual, and I absolutely had a fit. I couldn't understand it. He wanted me to be his, but...he didn't want me...? It hurt me. It hurt me that my own boyfriend didn't want to meet me. He didn't want to hug me. He didn't want to hold me or kiss me. He just didn't want me... To be honest...I still don't understand it. So, I broke up with him, telling him to get Corey on.

Corey was John and Anth's cousin, 9 years old. I met him way long ago in September, and I fell in love with the kiddo (in a platonic way, of course). He, like Anth and John, was endowed with elite intelligence. He was clever, soft-spoken, and kind. He had a little crush on my sister for a while, but that soon passed, as all the crushes of the Mafia boys seemed to do...

I wanted him on to tell him I was quitting. I wanted to tell him good bye. I was done with Rune Scape and the hardships it entailed. I was telling him all of this when:

Mafia: What? I don't get another chance?

Gale: Anthony?

Mafia: Yeah.

Gale: You don't want to meet me either, so just let me be, Anth.

Mafia: I do...you even love my whole family...

Anthony, now, will probably deny that he said such a thing, but I distinctly remember it. It was the only way I would go back out with him, only if he agreed to meet me one day. So, I got the feeling that he did want to meet, and so I gave him another chance, for albeit I was sick and tired of all the drama, I just couldn't bear to let either one of them go. But, later on, I again got burned by Anthony.

o.O.o

Anthony, John had said, was taking our relationship seriously, so as not to make the same mistake. Anthony was more romantic the second time around. He constantly told me I was beautiful, and he said 'I love you' more often than he had. But still, I felt like something was lacking. I knew he loved me. It was becoming so obvious. And I knew he ached for me too, for we had many conversations of how much we wanted to be together. But, as I found out later, he still had no intention of meeting me. I ask now, what was the point? Alright, so he got me. Alright, so he wanted to be more serious. But what was the point? What's the point of becoming more in love with someone when you plan on ending it in the near future?

o.O.o

To quicken this prolonged story, I will breeze through the next few events until I come upon the ending; that of which I will lengthen and detail.

Anthony had fallen hopelessly in love with me, I think. Maybe not in a desperate sort of way, the way I had fallen in love with him and John, but I think he really, really loved me. I was forcing upon him the subject of our meeting, and Anth became both sad and irritated. But I just had to know if it was possible. I had to. I couldn't keep hoping and loving him if it was going to result in nothing. I couldn't go through another heartbreak. So, I pushed it. On my birthday, late December, Anthony informed me we were, again, over.

All I remember was that I couldn't believe all the drama that was occurring in my life, and just because of the silly game, Rune Scape. In my head I scolded myself for letting things go too far. I scolded myself for believing anything could happen with Anth and John. I scolded myself for acting childish and idiotic. Tears stung in my orbs. I couldn't understand why I wasn't wanted, even when I was loved. It's one thing to be rejected when you know the rejector has no feelings for you, but it's quite another thing to be rejected when you know the rejector to love and admire you. I wish I could describe the exact sort of pain I went through when my head told me I had placed my heart foolishly into the hands of people who lived so far away. It felt like a brutal carving of my soul, pieces being chipped off one by one. Happiness seemed to be draining from every pore, and the light in my eyes became dull and worn. I sat at my chair, tired and frustrated with those boys and their fickle minds. I wanted the world to stop for me. I wanted to just sit deadly still with nothing in my head and no feeling in any nerve. I wanted to be nonexistent. I wanted to be hidden away forever. I wanted God to blanket me in a dark cloud and mark me as untouchable for all eternity, or at least until the Mafia boys were more than gone from my life.

John got on again and tried easing me through my trauma. I typed with no emotion or kindness. It was as if my spirit decided to take leave for a holiday with no exact date as to when it would return. Finally, John asked yet again if I would be his girl. I looked at the screen, dumbfounded and utterly pissed off. Why wouldn't he and Anth leave me alone? Weren't they tired of my nagging? Weren't they tired of fighting, of feeling lowly, of being reminded that they couldn't have me? What the hell was going on in their heads? WHY NOT END THINGS?

I was expecting my friends over for my birthday. We were going to drink sparkling wine, read Cosmo, and watch Ed Norton movies. To be honest, I wasn't exactly in the mood to party, but it was my birthday for crying out loud. And I needed to celebrate with people I could see and touch. I told John a very curt "fine" and logged off.

Thank goodness for real life friends. Sometimes it just helps to goof around with people instead of glaring at the computer screen for hours on end. My friends gave me a wonderful 18th birthday sleepover, where we just ragged on other people while eating nothing healthy. I didn't bring John up like I usually did with my friends, even though I knew they'd be ready to respond. Instead, I forced him out of my mind and let nonsense fill my head. I wanted to sleep a dreamless sleep, with nothing to distract. So when my head hit the pillow, I forced myself to lie still until it seemed like the dark finally encompassed my whole soul, rendering me unconscious for the remainder of the night.

o.O.o

Christmas had come and gone. The silver and gold had been swept away and buried along with the good cheer; stores were busy with people going back to their old, habitual schedules; snow seemed to bring annoyed frowns instead of glowing faces; lights were stripped from the plain of the trees. All the happy business of winter was gone, and it affected me every year. The ending of Christmas meant an ending of many things to me. It meant the ending of reading under the bright lights of my tree; it meant the ending of baking gingerbread cookies with my little sister; it meant the ending of my father being busy with our annual Christmas Eve party; but most of all, it meant the ending of me in that particular year. Every year, I changed. Sometimes the change was great, and sometimes it was slight. Sometimes the change was for the better, and sometimes it was for the worse. Whatever happened, I changed, and I was scared to add more or less to myself every passing year. And that year (which is this year) seemed to have scared me even more since I had John in my life.

Oh, I thought about him every day. Sometimes I'd catch myself thinking back to one of our happier days, when I felt nothing but ecstasy each time I read his words. I had gone to visit one of my friends whom lived a couple of hours away. I stayed with her for a couple of days, and she had no computer. I hadn't gotten on since my birthday. It was December 28th before I spoke to John again. I believe I was training my ranged when he logged on, and I held my breath, wondering if he would initiate conversation. And he did.

Mafia: I'm finally on.

Gale: Hmm?

Mafia: I missed you.

Gale: I missed you too, John.

Mafia: What are you doing?

Gale: Ranging in the Varrock sewers.

Mafia: I'll get on pwnage and come.

Pwnage was John's other account. John had made him long ago, and he had recently given him to Corey. It made me nervous that John gave someone else an account that was important to him, but the worry sank as we hung out, together once again. It was funny how spending time with my John seemed to make all my other stresses disappear if I just focused on him, at that moment. I didn't worry about church, family, friends, or other annoying obstacles. I merely thought of how much in love I was with John. I would mumble my name, using his last name with it, and I loved the sound of it. It flowed well, and I felt it was just plain right. Meant to be, maybe not, but right, yes; I believed that with all my heart.

Like Anthony, John seemed to be more romantic and clingy. His love for me was made manifest, and Trent even commented:

Tcore: Man hes totally in love with u and whipped

I would just smile cheaply, wondering how long this chapter would last. My love for the Mafias was at an all-time high. I thought about them every day, and sometimes I would scare myself with unnecessary thoughts. What if I lost them for real? My John...what if he left me for some other stupid reason? I wondered if I would be able to handle it. And John always seemed to make our relationship even more confusing. I swear, sometimes he would just contradict everything he said. One day he'd have one opinion on a matter, and the next day he'd have a totally different opinion on that same matter. It pissed me off on certain days, and other days I just ignored it.

I remember one day very clearly when John spoke as if he did indeed expect to meet me in the future. I knew when I had gone back out with him (for what....the third time?) that he didn't want to meet me still, but when we had a conversation on that clearly remembered day, I thought he had changed his mind. Somehow we had gotten on an erotic topic. John always had his mind in the gutter, but I played along, laughing at his bluntness.

Mafia: Swallow or spit?

Gale: Definitely spit.

Mafia: Lol.

Mafia: Should I pull out?

Gale: Lol, depends.

Mafia: Do you want children?

Gale: Someday, of course.

Mafia: By me?

I frowned. I reread what he had said 10 times, making sure I had read correctly. I had. I replied, half-chuckling with disbelief twinkling in my eyes.

Gale: You don't want that, remember...

I meant that as in, 'you don't want to even meet me let alone start a family with me.' He replied quickly:

Mafia: Ahh...that was forever ago...

I shut my eyes and asked myself if it was possible: Was it possible that I was receiving a break from the heavens above? Was it possible that I would get a chance to meet my John, whom now wanted to meet me? I was scared again, though. I supposed that I was thinking more in depth about this than John had anticipated. While I was thinking that his reply was a change of heart, John was probably thinking something else. I didn't know then, and I don't know now what he meant. I tended to think way differently than my John, and that's all I knew.

Gale: I want to ask something...but I'm afraid to...

Mafia: Why?

Gale: Because you'll leave me.

Mafia: No.

I was silent. I felt numb inside, a feeling becoming habitual whenever I thought about my future with John. I wore a gloomy face for the rest of our conversation, and I wondered if John wore the same expression.

o.O.o

John's birthday was coming up on New Years. My John had his birthday on the first day of every new year, and I was excited for him. I was limited in what I could get him, but I thought hard on a perfect gift, something with meaning. I gave him his presents a couple of days early, because he wasn't sure if he'd be on on his birthday. He was still a member at the time, so I told him I'd give him one gift as Gale and the other as Omega, my brother's member account.

We met at the grand exchange two days before his birthday. I led him north-east to the wooden bench that stood estranged from the rest of the world, it seemed. As Gale, I gave him a cake, cheaply bought from the Grand Exchange. John laughed as he took his present. He ate a slice and gave the other slice to me. I smiled, telling him to meet me in a member's world. I logged off and logged back on with Seth's account. I waited for my love to appear, and there he came. I was nervous about this next gift. I don't know why I was. I suppose it meant a lot to me, and it was a deciding factor in my head of whether or not he truly wanted me. I started tearing up, wishing I could have celebrated his birthday in person. I imagined his arms wrapped around me as I whispered to him of how glad and happy I was that he had been born and brought into my life. I imagined his eyes glittering as he whispered, replying how much he loved me, in his scintillating voice. I made myself love-sick, and I tried to be cheerful as I handed him a candle. He laughed again, taking the cheap member object in his possession. He waited for me to give him instructions. I tried mumbling the words I wanted to say before I typed it, for I wanted everything I said to be crystal clear, eloquent, and meaningful. I didn't want to mess it up.

Gale: Alright...now I'm being completely serious in all I say.

Mafia: Ok.

Gale: John...

Mafia: ?

Gale: Pretend this candle is lighted. Close your eyes and think deeply of something you most desire...

I closed my eyes as if I was giving myself the instructions. I imagined his handsome face looking sternly into mine, as if answering what he most desired in staring.

Gale: Make a wish, John. Think seriously, and make a wish...

Silence.

I waited anxiously for him to say something, but he remained mute. I watched his character, wondering if he had been lagging and not answering because of that.

Gale: Did you wish?

Mafia: Yes.

We talked a little more. He was excited about the presents he would get, and he told me all about how his birthday would go. I listened attentively, but I couldn't help but wonder what he had wished for. I wanted to ask him so badly, but I knew I would either be disappointed or unconvinced, so I left it alone. He had to leave after a couple of minutes. We said our I love yous and goodbyes, logging off simultaneously. I didn't get on for the rest of the night. I lay in bed, staring at nothing, yet seeing everything. I wanted that moment to be monumental. I wanted John to realize that he could only wish to be with me. He couldn't wish for anything else...could he? I rubbed my eyes with my cold hands, trying to wipe away my endless queries. Deep down I felt that John hadn't included me in his wish. I felt he wished for something similar to playing professional basketball. He absolutely loved the Boston Celtics... My eyes weren't wet, but I felt I was drowning in tears, anyway. I felt certain I would lose John in the end.

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_A/N: Well, another chapter done. There should only be a couple more after this, so savor it, people. Thanks to all the reviewers =) Your reviews are much appreciated.

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	6. Good Things Never Last

_A/N: Well, it's just this chapter and one last one after this. I thank all of you who have kept up with this overly-dramatic story. I've had a lot of fun writing it, and I'm glad you guys kept me motivated. After this chapter, though, it'll pretty much just be me ranting about something not even pertaining to Rune Scape...so, you don't have to read it lol. I'm a little hesitant anyway to post it. Anyway, good reading._**

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**Chapter 6- Good Things Never Last**

My friends had called to come over one day in early January, and I accepted their friendly intrusion. For the last couple of days, John and I had been arguing about our meeting again. We then argued about whether or not we should stay together. It was getting pretty shaky, and I was never in a good mood.

It was a cold Sunday night. I was talking to John, and I told him I had to get going because of my friends coming over. John was curious.

Mafia: What do they think we should do?

Gale: They think we should break up. They've been telling me to.

And they had. My friends had seen the mood changes in me, and they thought it best to let go of John. I valued their opinions, but I just couldn't let go. It was impossible.

Mafia: Let me talk to them.

Gale: Why?

Mafia: Just let me talk to them.

I let my friends come inside and directed them to my room, telling them along the way about John's request. Liz hopped onto the computer willingly, and John more or less reprimanded her for putting more strain on the relationship. I watched with a shocked look imprinted on my flushed face. Liz thankfully kept calm and replied to his tirade with ease, assuring him that she and Adrianne were only looking out for me. Liz proceeded to ask him why he didn't want to meet me. He in turn replied that he did want to. My mouth fell open. 'Why in the hell are we fighting then?!' I thought irately.

Liz and John talked for half an hour. I can't remember the specifics, except that Liz mentioned a break. I gave her a venomous stare and watched to see how John would reply. 'He loves me. He doesn't want a break,' thought I. But, to my despair, John seemed to go for the idea.

Mafia: Do you think a week would be ok?

Liz turned to me, and my heart shattered to pieces. I turned away fro her, embarrassed of my emotions, and started sobbing. Liz patted my shoulder while I stuttered, "but I love him, Liz! I love him so much! I don't want a break!" Both she and Adrianne were severely surprised at my outburst. I never showed my friends this side of me. They never knew me to love someone so much and so fervently. They had never seen me cry. I was usually the consoler, and now I was the vulnerable one being consoled. I don't think they thought they would ever see the day when I lost control of my emotions, for I usually kept strong in such situations. Adrianne shook her head but looked sympathetically at me. Liz typed to John that I was falling apart, and John became concerned. I figured, as I wiped away my fallen tears, that if John wanted a break, he could have one. I scooted Liz over, assuring her that I would comply with his idea, and typed:

Gale: Alright, John. I won't talk to you or get on your account for the remainder of this week.

Mafia: Mela...

Mafia: You can talk to me...

Mafia: You can get on my account...

Mafia: Oh **** it.

Mafia: I can't live a week without you.

Liz frowned, typing:

Gale: Liz: You just asked for a break.

Gale: Mela: John, what do Y O U want? Forget Liz and me;

Gale: What do you want?

Mafia: You.

Mafia: I live for you, Mela.

Mafia: I live to get on the computer to talk to you.

Gale: You...live for me?

Mafia: Yes...

Gale: How the hell did you fall this much in love with me?

Mafia: Same way you did.

Liz and Adrianne rolled their eyes, thinking John's sentiments to be mawkish and over dramatic. They weren't to me, though. This was John and me. This was us. We were in love with each other, and we wanted to stay together. In the end though, we did agree that we just needed a breather. I thought I could be ok with it, but I was a mess until he came back. And even after that...I was never really happy.

o.O.o

For a week and a half, my John stayed away from the computer, and I was miserable all those 11 days. On the second day of John's absence, I sat in AP Government class thinking deeply about our situation. While thinking and mechanically filling out a worksheet, I had realized a couple of things. John was 15. He was a sophomore in high school. He probably still wanted to experience many things before involving himself seriously with a crazy girl like me. John was young, and I don't think he knew what he wanted. And hey...at 15...I didn't know what the hell I wanted from life either. Even now, at 18, I'm a little skeptical.

I think I began to understand John's position. It still bothered me, for sure, but at least I was beginning to understand his feelings. I supposed that it was intimidating to John that an 18-year-old proposed and expected a meeting. Although I had told him that I didn't expect to be his girlfriend when we met, or even friends (I'm reasonable; we'd have to start from scratch; if we ended up hating each other, oh well; if we came to love each other, great; but at least we would know), I suppose he still found it to be too serious a deal to comply with. It would mean our relationship would deepen, become serious and not just an online whim. I think I'd be scared too if an 18-year-old guy asked me to meet him at 15. 'Gol!' thought I. 'I must be a creep to him! Oh! But that's now how it is! I love him, I really love him, and that's the truth! I don't want to cheapen anything or take advantage of him. I just...gol, I'm 18...but I can't help it. I'm in love with John. I live for him as well...' I nearly bawled at this realization. I almost thought of myself as a predator. But I swear, my intentions were pure.

I also thought about something John had said once. One of the reasons he was so hesitant to meet me, was because he was afraid I wouldn't be the same in person as I was online. 'Well who the hell else _could_ I be,' I thought. 'How can I fake who I am? And why would I fake at being Mela? Of all the people I could pretend to be, why would I choose to fake as myself? If I was going to fake, I'd fake being someone much better.' Despite feeling that way, I understood John's feelings, regarding my personality in person. But it wasn't just him that was scared of how the other person would be. I was scared too. I'm a very shy, self-conscious person. But I knew that if I met John, I wouldn't be silent. I can easily pull things from the air and make conversation, even with strangers. But John wasn't a stranger. I had almost known him for a whole year, and we shared almost everything with one another. Making conversation with him, while also easing the situation, would be a piece of cake.

Really, the only thing I was scared of, was that John wouldn't find me attractive...physically. Ahh, he was so handsome and alluring, with his sharp eyes and dark skin. And myself...oh, I didn't really know. I just knew, or rather felt, that I was not in his league. I dressed plainly; I didn't wear much makeup; I wasn't especially girly. I saw John with a gorgeous blonde, with sparkling blue eyes and a cute, petite figure. And someone taller... Anyhow, that was truly my only worry. I knew everything else would just fall into place, if John let it.

I thought further of what I was asking of John as I continued working on the judiciary worksheet. 'Maybe I'm being stupid,' I thought. 'I mean, John is obviously inching farther and farther away from me, and lately our relationship has been shaky.' In conclusion, I understood a little of what John was going through. I wasn't mad about how he was feeling. I was sad, yes. Although I could see things from John's point of view, I couldn't help but think, 'but I only want to meet him, because...well I love him so much. Is that so bad? Is it so wrong to want to meet someone whom claimed to love me back? whom claimed to LIVE for me?'

When I got home from school, I wrote John an e-mail telling him about my newly found realization and feelings. The letter was long, and I was worried that John might see it as ranting verbiage, but I just had to write it. It helped me to let out my bottled-up emotions. But not only did I vent, I also told him I understood more of where he was coming from. I mentioned a couple of times that if he wanted to, he should date other girls, for he was 15, handsome, and passionate. I didn't want to keep him from the experience of dating. I gave him options, assurances, consolations; I gave him everything I thought right to give him. I suppose some of my writing was superfluous, but at that point of our relationship, I was desperate. I missed him, and I wanted him back, but only if he wanted me in return. I clicked on the 'send' button and felt an eerie sort of calm.

o.O.o

When John finally got on again, I didn't feel as relieved as I thought I would. I told him I sent him an e-mail, and he quickly logged off to check it. I waited 10 minutes, and he logged back on.

Gale: So...it's your call...

Mafia: I don't want to end things.

I said alright, and he went away.

o.O.o

John rarely got on after that. We would leave each other messages in his ignore list, for his was empty, and we hardly got on at the same time. I played on his account often. It made me feel a little better to play on it. It was the only connection I had to John, and I held it sacredly. It didn't assuage my longing for him at all, but it was all I had. After February 8th, John wasn't on for a full month. I waited miserably for him, keeping track in my planner of how long he was gone. I knew he hadn't even logged on, because there was nothing written in the ignore list, and the last log in date was the date I had always logged on myself to check in on him.

I talked to Trent about John all the time. I'm sure he tired of it, but he was steadfast in giving his attention. After the 3rd week, Trent said that I should forget him and move on. I think Trent was hurt too that John didn't get on. The three of us always had fun together, and to just leave us for that long...well, I think his feelings may have been resentment mixed with hurt.

Tcore: Im just gonna delete him if my list gets too full anyway

I thought of the mistake I made when I left John for Cody. I did NOT want to repeat the mistake again. I told Trent that it was not possible to forget my John. I was in love with him, and I promised him, long ago, that I'd never give up on him, and he promised the same for me. Trent was understanding about it, but I think he was also disappointed. My company hadn't been the best since the second long absence of John. Trent even wrote a message to me on MySpace on a day when I was feeling lower than low.

"I know ur sad about john but please

try to feel happy cuz I feel bad

for u and I want u to be happy"

I was touched by Trent's concern, and I prayed for comfort, while vowing to myself that I'd try to be happy for the sake of my dear friend.

On March 8th, after 28 days, I finally saw Mafia online.

Gale: John?

Mafia: Yes?

Gale: I've missed you so much.

Mafia: So have I.

I tried to be cheerful and act like he had never gone.

Gale: So how's basketball going?

Mafia: Fine.

Gale: Will you be gone much longer?

Mafia: Idk.

Gale: Well how long must I wait?

Mafia: Idk...

Gale: John...

Gale: I've been absolutely miserable without you this whole month.

Mafia: Oh...

I blinked twice, incredulously staring at his blasé reply. ' "oh?" That's all he has to say?'

I felt my body shake as I wrote the next sentence:

Gale: Well...John, I mean, if you've been fine, then I guess you're done with me.

Mafia: No. I've been miserable too...

Mafia: But I've just been busy.

After 5 minutes of silence, he told me he had to go, and he left. I felt nothing but heartache and doubt when I saw his name turn from yellow to red. I felt weak. I felt like I lost. I felt played.

o.O.o

The next day I was able to talk to all three of the Mafia boys. First John, then Corey, and then Anthony. I was so happy talking to them! It felt like old times. They promised they would be on more often, and I was happy at that proposal. We said our goodbyes, John said 'I love you,' and now my story is coming to an end...

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_A/N:Sad, huh. lol Eh... Anyway, I hope you guys weren't expecting too happy an ending. And I suppose I could further this story, as the months go by, but I don't think it'd be interesting. But, tell me what you think. If I did continue, it'd be months maybe before I update...you know? Haha, well, review and I'll see.

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	7. I'll Wait Forever

_A/N: Sorry for the long update. Here it is. _**

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**Chapter 7- I'll Wait Forever**

Though John and Corey promised to be on more often, it has been 3 weeks since we've talked. It feels like the process of their long leave is going to repeat...

I don't know what John is thinking. He hasn't been on enough for me to ask. I still don't know if he wants to meet me. I can either break it off or wait patiently. So far...I've been going with the latter. If I knew for a fact that there was a possibility of meeting John, of him letting me meet him, then I'd wait forever. I think John is worth every pain I've endured...especially if he one day says he'll finally meet me. I love him for who he is, for who he's presented himself to be. I know only one side of him, and I wish only to get to know and probably love his other side. I want to see his expressions; the slyness in his eyes when he makes a crude joke; the sternness of his face when concentrating; the smile he wears when things go his way; the triumph worn when he shoots and makes a basket. I want to see him...I want him.

I'd like to say that I know John is the one, but I can't; I don't know. All I do know is that I want to find out. I know that when I hear his voice for the first time and see his eyes pour into mine...I'll just know...I'll know whether or not my suffering was worth it all.

o.O.o

I don't necessarily believe in destiny. I believe in something a little different. I suppose this belief I have is intertwined with my religious beliefs, but I think many people could agree with me.

Have you ever walked past a stranger and sworn you knew him or her? Or do you have a friend that you feel you've known longer than you actually have? How do you explain those feelings? Especially when those feelings are so strong? I feel like John and I have known each other longer than a year. The feeling is distant (particularly now), that veiled memory, but I'm sure if we met, the veil could not help but be lifted. Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself...but those feelings...the feelings I hold for certain people...I feel like Trent and I promised to find each other. We get along too well, and our brotherly/sisterly love for one another is stronger than the love I hold for most of the people I actually know. Why is that so? Why do I feel that I've known John and Trent since before I was born? How can these feelings of forgotten kinsmanship be explained? Your heart knows...but your head can't comprehend.

I remember reading a certain chapter in _The Brothers Karamazov._ The brother Ivan has a nightmare of his middle-aged devil friend. The devil tries to trick him into thinking that he knows something Ivan does not by reciting an anecdote Ivan had never heard, or so he thought. In the end, Ivan recalls having made up that anecdote at a young age, and his subconscious recalled it. But I've heard of many people who have dreamt of things they've never known about, people they've never known, events that haven't come to pass. How is that possible? Well, it's not, until you consider a life before this life here on earth is possible...

Is it so radical to believe that we lived before we came to earth? Not as a reincarnation, not as cells wandering endlessly through space, but as spirits with our Heavenly Father: a pre-mortal existence. Is it possible we learned and grew in that life before mortality? Is it possible we made acquaintances, friendships, and even loves? John once told Sammy that he felt I could be the one. Maybe that's correct, maybe not. But some people feel that way toward another person most ardently. Why? Well, is it possible that in this pre-mortal existence that two people, who were in love, promised that even though they would be separated on their way to earth, to mortality, that they would find each other and renew their forgotten love? There are some people of whom I know that were definitely meant for one another; it's just so obvious, a burning revelation in one's heart.

Scientists say we use only 10 percent of our brains. How can that be explained? Is it possible that as we were born into this mortal life that an unseen and unfelt veil was put upon our souls, rendering us unable to remember people or recall knowledge we once knew in the pre-mortal life? I think it's very possible, indeed...and true.

I can't say for sure that John and I were acquaintances in that life I've so forgotten. I'd love to make that claim, but I just do not know. But...the possibility is there, nevertheless. Is it possible that if we met, John and I could fall in love and feel we've found the missing piece to our lives? And all because of this Rune Scape...

o.O.o

The stars gracefully fell from the trees onto the ground, disappearing into nothingness. The blue skies above held romance and passion, while the surrounding green held an ambiguous sort of hopefulness. My axe swung heavily at the perfect mold of bark, the stars colliding with the wooden chips, creating a swirl of celestial dust.

A rush filled my body as I readied myself for battle. My dear friend on my right, and my love on my left. I prepared my stock of food, my potions, and my weapons. I scouted the whole of the area to check out the competition, laughing as I saw only noobs congregating. I went back to my friends, and together we conquered.

I stood with him in the graveyard, chatting incessantly about nothing and everything. My heart was content, warm and loved, and my eyes glittered with admiration and ardor. I was awake and dreaming simultaneously. My spirit was high, my worries were low, and it seemed that the moment would last forever. John told me he loved me, and I imagined his kisses fluttering across my face.

All these memories, and so many more, will be kept in my heart for the remainder of my life. Even when I'm aged old and have these memories tucked in the back of my head, I know when I reread this story, feeling and emotion will come flooding back, streaming and strong. John, this story was made for you. Even if in the end we break apart and go our separate ways, I hope this story will keep me in your heart, even for just a little while. I love you, and like with Pip and Estella, I see no shadow of another parting from you.

o.O.o

I'm standing here, in the graveyard, near the lone yew tree. I'm watching people run to and fro, and they're playing happily, I think. I keep thinking, why? Why me? Why did I have to fall in love with someone on this game? I was alright before...I was happy...but was I complete...no. John filled the empty space that has so tormented me for years. And now...I believe him to be gone. I try not to think about his absence. I try to fill my days with family, friends (Trent, mostly), and hobbies. But always I feel the emptiness. Always I find myself trying to fill the void with meaningless trivialities. Nothing seems to mollify the pain, the hurt. I don't play with the same sprite; I play with a heavy heart.

I miss him. I wish he would get on more often. I wish I hadn't scared him away. I wish many things...

For now, I'll concentrate on going to college, meeting new people, and maybe I'll find someone else...I don't want to...but I suppose I must.

I have my friends. Trent, especially. This broken heart of mine is mended by his silly jokes and cheerful disposition. I can still sing. My mother always told me that life couldn't be too bad if you were still able to sing. I still sing...

John wrote in his ignore list the other day, so I suppose he's still going to play. For how long, I know not. I'm trying to have faith, trying to be positive. It works sometimes, and other times depression overwhelms me. But I sing...

I'm standing here, in the graveyard, by the lone yew tree. I'll keep standing here until my desire has faded and fate has named its price. Which means...I'm standing here forever.

End.

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_A/N: I'm thinking this is the end of my story. I don't think much will happen after this, so I suppose it's safe to say that not only is this story ended, John and I have ended. I wrote this story mainly to give hope to those who are in my shoes, I guess. That, and it was nice taking a trip down memory lane. Tell me what you think, though. If you don't want this story to end, I suppose I could post whenever I come up with something, or something actually happens to me. Eh. I know I'll just miss writing this. Well, review. And thanks. Oh, ps, I would appreciate if people didn't add me on Rune Scape because of reading this story. If you want to contact me, pm me through this website only. Thank you._

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	8. The Fact Is, Things Change

**Chapter 8- The Fact Is, Things Change**

It's been…oh, I don't know. About 4 years since I've last written for this thing. A certain someone on Runescape told me I should continue this story, since I still do get on the game and converse with my friends. I don't know what much there is to say, but I suppose I could come up with a few themes. I still meet some crazy people.

As I look back at this old, adolescent story…I have to laugh. I told the fanfiction world I'd wait for John forever. Not only have I moved on from John, I could care less about him. He never deserved me, and I was too naïve to know it. It's funny how we need to say things like "I'll wait forever," though. It feels necessary at a certain time…later on, it just becomes laughable.

But. Where to start now?

A guy named TouchS comes to mind. A pretty odd fellow. He was funny, witty, and he wrote nicely. We'd explore the vast world of Runescape and just talk about things. However, he'd never let me know him on a personal level. The most I know about him is that he lives in California, and he has brown eyes.

Gale: Do you not reveal yourself, because you don't trust people?  
TouchS: No, I trust some people. Even you. But I choose not to reveal things.  
Gale: But why?  
TouchS: I just choose not to.  
Gale: But…that's selfish. What about the people who come to really care about you?  
TouchS: I guess it is selfish. But it's my choice.

I didn't get it. He trusted people…but he didn't. That was the gist, anyway. I got so aggravated by it that I deleted him with a grand scoff. I kind of regret it, though. Sometimes I think about re-adding him. I wonder what he'd say.

Lately, I've been in Lummy. Just sitting there. Looking. Hoping. Something. I get so lonely, to the point that I make myself play Runescape in hopes that someone rescues me.

Well, that's not healthy, is it?

I'm trying to rethink how I look at Runescape. After all, it is just a game.

I'm not alone, though. In fact, I'm talking to someone right now who kind of mirrors me, in that he plays Rs to find people. He's practically telling his life story. I understand him, though. And that's why I deleted TouchS. Someone like him, who wouldn't reveal himself a little, enough to establish some sort of connection…what good is that? Go out and help people. Understand people. Relate to people. Don't hide. Runescape is a game, but real people play it.

I don't want to preach. I just wanted to get started again, if I can. So, I take back what I've said in previous chapters. You want to hit me up with pms, go for it. Most people have broken the rule, anyway, haha. Just don't be a freak about it. Thanks!


	9. The Re-Emergence of John

**Chapter 9- The Re-Emergence of John**

How ironic that just days after I post the eighth chapter that John reappears for the first time in years. I wouldn't have known he was online had he not pmed me, for I deleted his user long ago and never looked back. But, he pmed me. He re-entered my life. This is what's going on right now in my Runescape world.

I feel like this is more of a diary than an actual story, and it probably is. Do I care at this point? No. I'm just making it known to you readers. That, and I'm using this piece now as a space for thinking, rather than always recalling and describing things. However, let's begin with this whole John incident:

So he pmed me. Asked if it was Mela.

Gale: Yes, this is Mela.  
Mafia: It's been a while.

"No ****," I think to myself.

Mafia: This game has changed so much.  
Gale: Yep, it's pretty lame.  
Mafia: How have you been?

From there, we rehashed what was going on in our lives. John's bad knee kept him from playing serious college games. He was therefore in college and majoring in sports management, with a minor in French (ha, the language of love. How ironic, eh?). I told him I was still in college, working toward my B.A. in English literature, aspiring to be a writer of some sort, maybe teaching if I married a poor white guy (a joke, of course. Teaching could be fun, even with a rich white guy .…).

It was only a few days ago…but I can't even remember how we started talking about our relationship. But, he of course joined me at our lone yew tree by Lummy and started talking to me like we used to years ago. Yes, I do still cut there. Honestly, it's more for convenience than sentimental value, though of course I do still think about its significance from time to time.

I told him how he broke my heart. How I had hardened as a person due to his disappearance and uncaring attitude. He apologetically said that he was young and foolish, blind to the fact that I was a grand opportunity to achieve personal happiness. And the way he said all of these things…seemed very different from the excuses he made years ago.

I'm a reasonable person, for sure. I acknowledged his adolescence as a means to be frightened by my bold proposals to meet and solidify our relationship. In fact, I wondered at how I could have imposed such huge life changes to a person of 15 years of age. I didn't just wonder; I was embarrassed. Haha, oh well.

He's 19 now, though. He's an adult, in college, mature enough to handle a person like me, online, serious, blunt, even clingy. But, the more we talked, the more I found that he was very much the same as when we first met: scared, undependable, all talk, distancing.

I began realizing this just yesterday, on Easter. I had had a fine day at church, a wonderful dinner at my grandma's, and an amazing season finale of The Walking Dead. I logged onto Runescape to spread the joy with my friends, especially John. No, not John John. A guy I had named John a few years ago, because I couldn't remember his actual Indian name. I can't even remember if I mentioned him in this story previously. His user was Godo (not his actual user, of course, please remember that).

Done with digressing: John logged on. His new goal on the game was to get 99fm, and I decided I'd join him in his world to watch as he lighted fire after fire, collecting the ashes to gain a little bit of profit. TouchS also joined us, and he made the comment that there were better ways to waste time. I had to laugh. John was kind of a noob on the game. So am I, but I'll readily attest to that. And yes, I forgot to mention that I re-added TouchS. I made my apologies and decided that if he wanted to remain anonymous, who was I to judge? Being Mormon, I've had way too many people judge me for reasons I can't even help, or for reasons that were simply based on ignorance. I should have had more sympathy toward him. ANYWAY.

John decided days before that he wanted a month to get to know me again, to decide if he liked the "new" Mela. By then, he said he'd be ready to decide whether or not meeting me was a good idea. I thought, hell, why not. I've no clue whether or not he's even a potential mate. Why not have fun and find out, though?

John busily burned the oak logs he had bought from the GE. TouchS sat and talked to me. He was the only one really talking to me. John made a few comments here and there, but nothing of significance. I went into his FC to see if he'd be more talkative there, but I might as well have not done it. He only replied when he was finished collecting the ashes, one by one. I scoffed at this. And I left, going back to cut my yew, but TouchS followed me and insisted I go back. John also responded to my absence:

Mafia: Get your beautiful ass back here.  
Gale: For what? You weren't even talking.

Yep. It was already getting petty on my part. How wrong, how wrong.

Mafia: Just come back here.

I came back, TouchS again sat with me.

Mafia: I guess I'll take a break.

John also sat next to us. At one point, my sister Sammy also joined us as she sat next to me in real life, on our couch in the basement. She and Norman, as I called TouchS, were busily talking about nonsense and anything dork related. John and I were arguing in his FC in the meantime. He asked if I liked TouchS better, if he would make me happier.

Gale: Wtf?  
Mafia: I'm not going to stop you from being happy. If he makes you happy, you should be with him.

Excuses. The same excuses. He was seriously making the same excuse not to meet me. What was that whole "give it a month" thing about, then? What in the hell was he thinking/doing?

He went on to lament how much he had hurt me in the past. He didn't deserve me. He had caused too much pain. He was scared to meet me, scared to let me hear his voice. Excuses, I kept saying. I know, he answered each time. After 5 minutes of silence, he told me he needed alone time.

Gale: You got it.

I left immediately. I logged off soon after. After all this time, he was going to pull the same crap. I chastised myself for being pulled into his charm, his good looks. I angrily told myself that I was rebounding from a previous, serious relationship; he didn't deserve me. I didn't really want him. Really, I didn't.

I'm one of those people, if you haven't noticed by now, who cannot let go of anything. I can't let go of any possibility, good or bad, any past experiences, anybody who is from my past. I tell myself: if you let go of it, you might not ever get the chance to have it back.

Sometimes, it's okay to let go of people. It's okay to let go of things, even if they have some distant potential to help you out in the future. I think I'm beginning to learn that. I'm not taking crap from John anymore. He doesn't want to meet me, that's his prerogative. I can't keep urging him; it's hurting me, it's ruining my spirituality. If any of you are in the same boat, get out. Get out of that depressing boat. Chance the lonely waters, because you're just as lonely stuck on that small chance of a boat.

I wish it wouldn't take me years to learn something like this.


End file.
